Help me understand

Jetboyblue · 06-06-2007, 07:29 PM

i dont know if i can take it anymore

maybe im not cut out to be with a pilot

was it not even supposed to last?

what am i supposed to do. i don't even know what any good this is going to be. because ill im doing is spewing nonsense and i dont want to and i wont go into any more detail because i don't want to.

Alli1101 · 06-06-2007, 07:37 PM

Hi Jetboyblue..

I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time. Being in a relationship with a pilot is definitely not easy, and I think maybe even moreso early in a relationship. Maybe if you gave a little more detail we could give you some advice..?

SeatClutcher · 06-06-2007, 09:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jetboyblue

i dont know if i can take it anymore

maybe im not cut out to be with a pilot

was it not even supposed to last?

what am i supposed to do. i don't even know what any good this is going to be. because ill im doing is spewing nonsense and i dont want to and i wont go into any more detail because i don't want to.

Kind of hard to answer a question wrapped in a riddle and draped in a veil...

laralen02 · 06-06-2007, 11:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SeatClutcher

Kind of hard to answer a question wrapped in a riddle and draped in a veil...

What can we do to help?

Kristie · 06-06-2007, 11:44 PM

what do you think you can't take? It is kinda hard to help if there's no base to work from

chin up! you have bad days, you have good days... remind yourself that tomorrow is - another - day...and start it out good, see where it goes from there!

Jetboyblue · 06-07-2007, 06:41 AM

Everything that I say seems to be always wrapped in some sort of veil. But never mind all that.

After a (short) nights sleep...everything is okay.

My boyfriend is in training at American Eagle. I remember reading a lot of other threads where people said that, "if you get through training you can get through anything" or "training is always the hardest part." I understand now what you all meant by that.

I've just been feeling incredibly neglected lately. I know that this time for him is very stressful and busy and he's trying his best to juggle me and his air plane things. Last night I called him to say hi. I didn't want to get off the phone with him and a few minutes later when he said he had to go study some more I asked how long it'd be. He said an hour and a half. I was hoping I'd be in bed by then. So I said goodbye and to another day where I only got to talk to him for three or four minutes.

After getting off the phone was the beginning of the mother of all freak outs.

I was having serious doubts about whether or not we were going to make it through his training. If I was going to be strong enough to handle this and even more so once his training is over and out in the real pilot world flying everywhere whenever. I felt so insecure about our relationship last night, I was so confused and had no idea what to do, or say, or think. I was so scared that I was going to lose him, mostly because of my fault.

After the hour and a half of studying was up...no call. Boy did that really make me upset.

I sent him a few texts. Then left him a voicemail, bawling...apologizing for anything and everything I've ever felt like I'd done wrong, apologizing for being so weak and not being able to cope very well with his absence.

To make this already obscenely long post short.
He called. Everything is fine. Like it always is after I am upset like that.

I love him.

When I was in "freak out mode" I kept mentally asking myself, "Is he worth all this pain and mental torment I'm feeling?"

Of course he is...I couldn't imagine loving anyone else besides him.

DREAMJ · 06-07-2007, 07:07 AM

Hi, I haven't posted for a while, but I'm going to jump in on this. Try to resolve the fact that your pilot has a seperate life from you as well as a life with you. Sometimes our pilots are not the most responsive when it comes to our needs, at least that has been my experience. My df sometimes does not call when he says he will. I then became insecure and exactly as you have stated, you start to wonder about your own relationship. We established a 2 day rule for phone calls at least 15 minutes long and an e-mail everyday if possible. Stay strong! find strength in yourself and develop good friendships. Post on this site, these ladies give outstanding advice and understand. Insecurity can be a wicked thing. I even have this saying that I still use and tell my soon to be husband, "I will take 10 minutes with you anyday" I vent to my df and he vents back. Keep talking and communicating but not in an angry way. Wait until you are less emotional and step back and think what you really want to say before saying it, especially when you significant other can not see your face and see your pain at that time. Patience is such a virture.

Jetboyblue · 06-07-2007, 07:26 AM

Thank you for your wisdom. I'll take it to heart.

Sophie · 06-07-2007, 08:19 AM

Hi JetBoyBlue

Big hugs to you, I know how difficult it is. I have been with my partner for a year and a half. He has just been offered a job to train with a UK based airline, but will be away for 8 weeks in Sweden, then maybe in Dublin/Ireland for a few more months (we are based in London).

I had a total freak last night (not helped by being hormonal and 3 glasses of wine!!) and just said 'I don't know if can do this, I don't know if I want to miss you all the time, I don't know if I want us to come second to aviation, I don't know if I can cope with you being away and me being home, alone, needing a cuddle etc etc'.

I guess you have to look really deep inside yourself and be honest with yourself and decide if the heartache you will feel will be balanced out with the good times you will have and the life you will maybe share together.

Personally, I don't think that 4 minutes on the phone is long enough. I'm not suprised you cried!! I would have too. I know he has to study, but I think he should be putting aside maybe 15-20 mins of his day to catch up with you at least!!

Sometimes they seem to forget that we are going through this too, they are not the only people their choice of career is affecting.

Anyway, i hope you feel better today. I think communication is the key here, he has to understand that.

Good luck, I know it's hard.

Sophie

czechmate · 06-07-2007, 08:57 AM

This is the beginning of his career. If he's not keeping up with his partner or class, his company can let him go.
Understand initial training at any airline, at anytime in his professional career, is HORRIBLE. Horrible for you and for him. Once he gets throught it and starts to become comfortable with his new position, it will get better. Just be supportive of him and his need for space and keep yourself busy. It will be over soon.

I hope this wasn't too much of a rant. My dh is a simulator instructor and checkairman and he tells me stories of guys not being able to study or focus because of problems back home and it does affect their performance.

My friends dh just went through training at Cathay Pacific. The guys are in Australia and Hong Kong for 6 months - and they don't get to come home once.

Be strong and I wish you and your bf the best.
Jen

06-06-2007, 07:29 PM	#1 (permalink)
Jetboyblue Jetgirls Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Lafayette, IN Posts: 30 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Help me understand i dont know if i can take it anymore maybe im not cut out to be with a pilot was it not even supposed to last? what am i supposed to do. i don't even know what any good this is going to be. because ill im doing is spewing nonsense and i dont want to and i wont go into any more detail because i don't want to.

06-06-2007, 07:37 PM	#2 (permalink)
Alli1101 Jetgirls Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Southington, CT Posts: 104 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Help me understand Hi Jetboyblue.. I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time. Being in a relationship with a pilot is definitely not easy, and I think maybe even moreso early in a relationship. Maybe if you gave a little more detail we could give you some advice..? __________________ Alli

06-06-2007, 11:44 PM	#5 (permalink)
Kristie Admin/Owner Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Scottsdale, Arizona Posts: 6,631 Recipes: Thanks: 7 Thanked 17 Times in 17 Posts	Re: Help me understand what do you think you can't take? It is kinda hard to help if there's no base to work from chin up! you have bad days, you have good days... remind yourself that tomorrow is - another - day...and start it out good, see where it goes from there! __________________ www.jetcareers.com

06-07-2007, 06:41 AM	#6 (permalink)
Jetboyblue Jetgirls Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Lafayette, IN Posts: 30 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Help me understand Everything that I say seems to be always wrapped in some sort of veil. But never mind all that. After a (short) nights sleep...everything is okay. My boyfriend is in training at American Eagle. I remember reading a lot of other threads where people said that, "if you get through training you can get through anything" or "training is always the hardest part." I understand now what you all meant by that. I've just been feeling incredibly neglected lately. I know that this time for him is very stressful and busy and he's trying his best to juggle me and his air plane things. Last night I called him to say hi. I didn't want to get off the phone with him and a few minutes later when he said he had to go study some more I asked how long it'd be. He said an hour and a half. I was hoping I'd be in bed by then. So I said goodbye and to another day where I only got to talk to him for three or four minutes. After getting off the phone was the beginning of the mother of all freak outs. I was having serious doubts about whether or not we were going to make it through his training. If I was going to be strong enough to handle this and even more so once his training is over and out in the real pilot world flying everywhere whenever. I felt so insecure about our relationship last night, I was so confused and had no idea what to do, or say, or think. I was so scared that I was going to lose him, mostly because of my fault. After the hour and a half of studying was up...no call. Boy did that really make me upset. I sent him a few texts. Then left him a voicemail, bawling...apologizing for anything and everything I've ever felt like I'd done wrong, apologizing for being so weak and not being able to cope very well with his absence. To make this already obscenely long post short. He called. Everything is fine. Like it always is after I am upset like that. I love him. When I was in "freak out mode" I kept mentally asking myself, "Is he worth all this pain and mental torment I'm feeling?" Of course he is...I couldn't imagine loving anyone else besides him.

06-07-2007, 07:07 AM	#7 (permalink)
DREAMJ Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: winter park florida Posts: 22 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Help me understand Hi, I haven't posted for a while, but I'm going to jump in on this. Try to resolve the fact that your pilot has a seperate life from you as well as a life with you. Sometimes our pilots are not the most responsive when it comes to our needs, at least that has been my experience. My df sometimes does not call when he says he will. I then became insecure and exactly as you have stated, you start to wonder about your own relationship. We established a 2 day rule for phone calls at least 15 minutes long and an e-mail everyday if possible. Stay strong! find strength in yourself and develop good friendships. Post on this site, these ladies give outstanding advice and understand. Insecurity can be a wicked thing. I even have this saying that I still use and tell my soon to be husband, "I will take 10 minutes with you anyday" I vent to my df and he vents back. Keep talking and communicating but not in an angry way. Wait until you are less emotional and step back and think what you really want to say before saying it, especially when you significant other can not see your face and see your pain at that time. Patience is such a virture.

06-07-2007, 07:26 AM	#8 (permalink)
Jetboyblue Jetgirls Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Lafayette, IN Posts: 30 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Help me understand Thank you for your wisdom. I'll take it to heart.

06-07-2007, 08:19 AM	#9 (permalink)
Sophie Jetgirls Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: London Posts: 31 Recipes: Thanks: 3 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: Help me understand Hi JetBoyBlue Big hugs to you, I know how difficult it is. I have been with my partner for a year and a half. He has just been offered a job to train with a UK based airline, but will be away for 8 weeks in Sweden, then maybe in Dublin/Ireland for a few more months (we are based in London). I had a total freak last night (not helped by being hormonal and 3 glasses of wine!!) and just said 'I don't know if can do this, I don't know if I want to miss you all the time, I don't know if I want us to come second to aviation, I don't know if I can cope with you being away and me being home, alone, needing a cuddle etc etc'. I guess you have to look really deep inside yourself and be honest with yourself and decide if the heartache you will feel will be balanced out with the good times you will have and the life you will maybe share together. Personally, I don't think that 4 minutes on the phone is long enough. I'm not suprised you cried!! I would have too. I know he has to study, but I think he should be putting aside maybe 15-20 mins of his day to catch up with you at least!! Sometimes they seem to forget that we are going through this too, they are not the only people their choice of career is affecting. Anyway, i hope you feel better today. I think communication is the key here, he has to understand that. Good luck, I know it's hard. Sophie

06-07-2007, 08:57 AM	#10 (permalink)
czechmate Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Hebron, KY Posts: 552 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: Help me understand This is the beginning of his career. If he's not keeping up with his partner or class, his company can let him go. Understand initial training at any airline, at anytime in his professional career, is HORRIBLE. Horrible for you and for him. Once he gets throught it and starts to become comfortable with his new position, it will get better. Just be supportive of him and his need for space and keep yourself busy. It will be over soon. I hope this wasn't too much of a rant. My dh is a simulator instructor and checkairman and he tells me stories of guys not being able to study or focus because of problems back home and it does affect their performance. My friends dh just went through training at Cathay Pacific. The guys are in Australia and Hong Kong for 6 months - and they don't get to come home once. Be strong and I wish you and your bf the best. Jen

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