Help me understand - Page 3

Bigsweetie · 06-07-2007, 08:29 PM

(((HUGS)))

My best advice is three-fold. First, don't beat yourself up for missing him to much. You're in what I like to call "the transition". I think most pilot wives/gf's etc. go through it. Where you succumb to the fact that this isn't like previous relationships and that you're going to have to make changes as far as what you need, require, etc. from him. For me it took a long time to come to the realization that this is what he's going to do, I can't "cling" to him like I did with previous bf's, and that I need to learn to be o.k. by myself.

For me, it led to a much healthier me and a much healthier relationship. Like the pp mentioned, if I was in a relationship with someone, they'd have 95% of my pie. I quickly learned that I couldn't make Eric be responsible for that much of my day to day happiness. I had lost myself in the relationship and training was a good way to snap me back out of it and start focusing on myself individually again.

Anyway, allow yourself to go through all the emotions, feelings, etc. It's a process and it's part of the journey. You'll come through the other side a stronger woman, I promise!! Although I recommend not venting to him too much during training cause he might see it as not supportive and also he needs to focus on studying.

Secondly, try to be as supportive as you can. I like to view it as my "gift" to him. Eric and I have a rule that while he's in training, I don't call him. He calls me when he gets a chance, and if he can't talk long it's o.k. The way I see it, I want him to not only pass his tests, but ACE them. I want him to know that plane inside and out so that he comes home to me safely! Now I have had times where I REALLY needed to talk/vent to him (usually about Emily having a bad day) and he's understanding and listens. I don't make a habit of it though. I miss him terribly while he's gone. But you get through it and every day you do, you're closer to him being home. The best thing is to try not to focus on it if you can.

Thirdly, make sure that you set comfortable ground rules for both of you in this relationship. It's great to be supportive of his career, but don't make his career the FOCUS of your relationship. There will be times where his job dictates certain things. But never give up the things that make YOU happy in order to follow HIS dream.

For example, I told Eric before we ever got married that i'll be supportive of his job, go through training, him never being home for holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. But I DO NOT want to move away from my family. They mean alot to me. He understood and agreed. He has commuted for work so that we can stay here in MI and it somewhat limits his job possibilities because not all jobs have very commutable schedules, but, I make my sacrifices for him and he makes some for me. There MUST be compromise in ANY relationship.

Good luck! You're doing just fine and I promise, it WILL get easier.

Jetboyblue · 06-07-2007, 08:32 PM

I've spoken to him for over an hour and 40 minutes combined total phone time today.

I'm glad that my freak out last night got the hint across that a little less just hanging out with friends and a little more communicating with the boyfriend left back home goes a long way.

I really am happy how this is all turning out. I guess all he needed was me telling him I needed to hear from him a little bit more and a little more of his support.

This business of not bothering your boyfriend or DH...I find that ridiculous. If he ever told me that he didn't have time for me if I was upset or hurting....he wouldn't have anyone to come home to. It's that simple.

He has told me that anytime I'm upset or need to talk to him..just call him and he'll call me back as soon as possible or if he isn't in class talk to me right then.

I feel bad for anyone whose partner isn't that responsive or willing to step up and handle both the responsibility of being in a relationship and being a pilot.

I think him being a pilot is one of the more mediocre qualities that I love him for.

Bigsweetie · 06-07-2007, 09:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jetboyblue

This business of not bothering your boyfriend or DH...I find that ridiculous. If he ever told me that he didn't have time for me if I was upset or hurting....he wouldn't have anyone to come home to. It's that simple.

He has told me that anytime I'm upset or need to talk to him..just call him and he'll call me back as soon as possible or if he isn't in class talk to me right then.

I feel bad for anyone whose partner isn't that responsive or willing to step up and handle both the responsibility of being in a relationship and being a pilot.

I think him being a pilot is one of the more mediocre qualities that I love him for.

I think you may have misunderstood my post! If you read it more carefully you'd read that I CAN talk to him whenever I need to and about anything. I just don't call him up and talk to him for two hours about the mashed peas Emily had for lunch or how good my soap opera was that day. If he has time for lengthy conversations, that's great! But if he needs to study i'm not going to get all bent out of shape about it! If I was upset or needed to talk, he'd be there regardless of his studying. But if we're just "shootin' the shit" then i'll let him go if he needs to.

As for our policy of "I don't call him during training, he calls me" that's just what works for US. I didn't mean to imply that it had to work for everyone! If I don't hear from him for a day or two during training, i'm o.k. with that. If you're not- fine!

Jetboyblue · 06-07-2007, 09:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bigsweetie

I think you may have misunderstood my post! If you read it more carefully you'd read that I CAN talk to him whenever I need to and about anything. I just don't call him up and talk to him for two hours about the mashed peas Emily had for lunch or how good my soap opera was that day. If he has time for lengthy conversations, that's great! But if he needs to study i'm not going to get all bent out of shape about it! If I was upset or needed to talk, he'd be there regardless of his studying. But if we're just "shootin' the shit" then i'll let him go if he needs to.

As for our policy of "I don't call him during training, he calls me" that's just what works for US. I didn't mean to imply that it had to work for everyone! If I don't hear from him for a day or two during training, i'm o.k. with that. If you're not- fine!

I'm sorry if you thought I was addressing my post to you. I wasn't referring to you specifically. I was just continuing the saga of my thread is all...I'm sorry if I offended you.

Of course it's different for everyone. Everyone's relationships are different and everyone has to figure out what works for them. I was just stating what works for mine. Sorry again.

Bigsweetie · 06-07-2007, 09:40 PM

No need to apologize. My pregnancy hormones make me very defensive! LOL!

Jetboyblue · 06-07-2007, 09:46 PM

aww : ) Congrats on the baby.

I want a baby...eventually...
Maybe we can adopt one in another...15 years

Tambralyn · 06-07-2007, 10:36 PM

Hey JetBoyBlue, I'm glad to hear things are going better, and you're feeling listened to. Training can be tough. John's in Dallas right now too, for recurrent. Wonder if they'll run into each other? We haven't had a chance to talk much this trip, but we send each other lots of text messages on the days he doesn't have much time to talk. That's a life saver for us.

It's totally cool to vent here and straighten out your feelings for yourself before you talk to him about them. It's helped me reasonably state my feelings to DH when we do talk so that it's a conversation about our feelings and not a string of accusations or emotional irrationalities. You guys will get through this, and you'll be stronger in the end, if you choose to make it so. This won't be the last time you feel this way, but if you keep the lines of communication open, each time will be a little easier.

Kristie · 06-10-2007, 09:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jetboyblue

aww : ) Congrats on the baby.

I want a baby...eventually...
Maybe we can adopt one in another...15 years

think it'll really take that long?

Jetboyblue · 06-10-2007, 09:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kristie

think it'll really take that long?

who knows... : )

Amanda · 06-10-2007, 09:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kristie

think it'll really take that long?

I don't think it will take that long, but Jetboyblue is young and should do a little 'livin' and travelling on the bennies first!

06-07-2007, 08:29 PM	#21 (permalink)
Bigsweetie Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Clinton Township, Michigan Posts: 1,590 Recipes: Thanks: 8 Thanked 9 Times in 9 Posts	Re: Help me understand (((HUGS))) My best advice is three-fold. First, don't beat yourself up for missing him to much. You're in what I like to call "the transition". I think most pilot wives/gf's etc. go through it. Where you succumb to the fact that this isn't like previous relationships and that you're going to have to make changes as far as what you need, require, etc. from him. For me it took a long time to come to the realization that this is what he's going to do, I can't "cling" to him like I did with previous bf's, and that I need to learn to be o.k. by myself. For me, it led to a much healthier me and a much healthier relationship. Like the pp mentioned, if I was in a relationship with someone, they'd have 95% of my pie. I quickly learned that I couldn't make Eric be responsible for that much of my day to day happiness. I had lost myself in the relationship and training was a good way to snap me back out of it and start focusing on myself individually again. Anyway, allow yourself to go through all the emotions, feelings, etc. It's a process and it's part of the journey. You'll come through the other side a stronger woman, I promise!! Although I recommend not venting to him too much during training cause he might see it as not supportive and also he needs to focus on studying. Secondly, try to be as supportive as you can. I like to view it as my "gift" to him. Eric and I have a rule that while he's in training, I don't call him. He calls me when he gets a chance, and if he can't talk long it's o.k. The way I see it, I want him to not only pass his tests, but ACE them. I want him to know that plane inside and out so that he comes home to me safely! Now I have had times where I REALLY needed to talk/vent to him (usually about Emily having a bad day) and he's understanding and listens. I don't make a habit of it though. I miss him terribly while he's gone. But you get through it and every day you do, you're closer to him being home. The best thing is to try not to focus on it if you can. Thirdly, make sure that you set comfortable ground rules for both of you in this relationship. It's great to be supportive of his career, but don't make his career the FOCUS of your relationship. There will be times where his job dictates certain things. But never give up the things that make YOU happy in order to follow HIS dream. For example, I told Eric before we ever got married that i'll be supportive of his job, go through training, him never being home for holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. But I DO NOT want to move away from my family. They mean alot to me. He understood and agreed. He has commuted for work so that we can stay here in MI and it somewhat limits his job possibilities because not all jobs have very commutable schedules, but, I make my sacrifices for him and he makes some for me. There MUST be compromise in ANY relationship. Good luck! You're doing just fine and I promise, it WILL get easier.

06-07-2007, 08:32 PM	#22 (permalink)
Jetboyblue Jetgirls Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Lafayette, IN Posts: 30 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Help me understand I've spoken to him for over an hour and 40 minutes combined total phone time today. I'm glad that my freak out last night got the hint across that a little less just hanging out with friends and a little more communicating with the boyfriend left back home goes a long way. I really am happy how this is all turning out. I guess all he needed was me telling him I needed to hear from him a little bit more and a little more of his support. This business of not bothering your boyfriend or DH...I find that ridiculous. If he ever told me that he didn't have time for me if I was upset or hurting....he wouldn't have anyone to come home to. It's that simple. He has told me that anytime I'm upset or need to talk to him..just call him and he'll call me back as soon as possible or if he isn't in class talk to me right then. I feel bad for anyone whose partner isn't that responsive or willing to step up and handle both the responsibility of being in a relationship and being a pilot. I think him being a pilot is one of the more mediocre qualities that I love him for. Last edited by Jetboyblue; 06-07-2007 at 08:35 PM. Reason: I'm too lazy to check my grammar and I'm a grammar nazi so when I randomly see a mistake I have to change it correctly.

06-07-2007, 09:40 PM	#25 (permalink)
Bigsweetie Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Clinton Township, Michigan Posts: 1,590 Recipes: Thanks: 8 Thanked 9 Times in 9 Posts	Re: Help me understand No need to apologize. My pregnancy hormones make me very defensive! LOL!

06-07-2007, 09:46 PM	#26 (permalink)
Jetboyblue Jetgirls Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Lafayette, IN Posts: 30 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Help me understand aww : ) Congrats on the baby. I want a baby...eventually... Maybe we can adopt one in another...15 years

06-07-2007, 10:36 PM	#27 (permalink)
Tambralyn Jetgirls Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Farmington, MO Posts: 182 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Help me understand Hey JetBoyBlue, I'm glad to hear things are going better, and you're feeling listened to. Training can be tough. John's in Dallas right now too, for recurrent. Wonder if they'll run into each other? We haven't had a chance to talk much this trip, but we send each other lots of text messages on the days he doesn't have much time to talk. That's a life saver for us. It's totally cool to vent here and straighten out your feelings for yourself before you talk to him about them. It's helped me reasonably state my feelings to DH when we do talk so that it's a conversation about our feelings and not a string of accusations or emotional irrationalities. You guys will get through this, and you'll be stronger in the end, if you choose to make it so. This won't be the last time you feel this way, but if you keep the lines of communication open, each time will be a little easier.

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