Some advice please

[pica5104]

Ok.
The boyfriend has a lot on very important interviews coming up and I am soooooo excited for him. He is really excited too! He trys to hide it though. All his dreams are coming around now.
If he gets one of these jobs he will obviously be transfered to another state. We have never lived in 2 seperate states. lol. We knew the day would come that it would happen and I have tried to "prepare" for it. How did some of you deal with your guy moving. What are some things that you did? Any advice for me? I am wanting to stay in AZ for awhile to help out my grandmother as we are all still dealing with my grandfathers death. BUT in November we would think of something. I have read that some of you like picked a city and he just commutes. How does that work?
thank you in advance!

[rgphib]

Hi Pauline

First off, congrats on the interviews! I know how exciting it is (DH had one last week and another one next week).

Second, DH has ALWAYS commuted. He commuted from Texas to Florida for 6 months when I was finishing college. We then moved back to New England and DH has always commuted from his base to NH. He has been based in Houston, Cleveland and Newark and we never thought of moving to any of those bases. Our family is all up here and he wants me to be near people if I am going to be alone 4 days a week.

Commuting does suck. I am sometimes afraid DH will have a heart attack before he is 40 with how stressful his commute is sometimes. We are hoping if he gets a new job it will be better and eventually move closer to one of the bases, but we'll see.

Good luck with your upcoming decisions!

[MNewby]

My dh works for ASA and does commute. It works great for us so far. Even though he is on reserve he usually knows at least 24 hours before he is scheduled. They have been telling him his off days in advance. It really has been working good for us. Even if we lived in the city he was based out of we still would see him just as much as we do now. He very rarely has an over night at his base. You can make it work!! It's up to him if he wants to commute though. Good luck!

[Amanda]

Congrats to him on the interviews!
My piece advice is to stay put and don't follow him! You never know when a base is going to close. He's the one with travel bennies so he can come see you. We made things work by staying in communication with each other through text, IM, phone, email, etc. I am also pretty independent so I picked up hobbies and did my own thing. He came to visit as much as he could. If your relationship can withstand being apart for the short term than it will be strong in the end.

Nick and I dated about a year when he started getting based on other states. We were living in Scottsdale and I stayed put. My job was good and I loved AZ. The only reason I moved now (4.5 years into our relationship) is because we know we are heading towards marriage, my company is based here, and his base won't be closing.
Good luck!

[MNewby]

I 100% agree with Amanda. Keep your life at home work if you choose and things will work out for the two of you. No need to pick up and start over unless its 100% necessary.

[Kristie]

Think of things you can use to your advantage... there's the fact that he can fly anytime anywhere via jumpseat (if he's gonig into the airlines and particular cargo companies), so right there... he has a better advantage of coming to see you vs you him.

then there's ways to stay in touch...monthly weekends where it's "all about the two of you", webcams, txt msging, chatting, unlimited cell phone minutes etc.

at first, the moving thing is really *really* hard, no bones about it...but after a while, you stabilize and make sure you both continue down the right path of constant communication. commuting can be easier than moving but it depends on what company it's with because a lot of companies don't have CASS or great jumpseating agreements and if the base is on east coast and your on west coast, it could cause distance/time zone problems when trying to get to work. If he *has* to move, then that's the way it has to be but he needs to make sure he does as much research as possible on the companies to find out where the low timers typically are getting based and whether commuting is even a possibility.

if he commutes, it may be best for him to find a crashpad.. if he's going to live "at base" for a year or so, then it would be better for him to find a cheapie appt in the ghetto or with other roomates, family members or what not. just remember that even if he does have to move to base, you can still have your once or twice a month weekends (those monthly or more weekends can make all the difference) and it's only temporary...

but make sure you sit down and square out "the rules" of how your going to try and make everything work once he does get the job...that way, you have a guideline of sorts to help you both stick to the process and stay as stable as possible.

Congrats to Jim's interviews.. we'll be thinking bout him! if he needs any assistance from doug, let us know.

[BAC]

He doesn't necessarily HAVE to move to his awarded base... it may be easier (with not having to commute and such) but I guess that would be completely up to him.

Just out of curiousity, where does he have interviews?