How often do you visit family?

[CLErocks]

For those of you who don't live around your relatives, how often do you go "home" and visit?

I've put myself in this position, but it's really starting to wear on me! I fly home ATLEAST one a month. We've been here in CLE for 10 months and the longest stretch of time I and my daughter have stayed here is for 4 weeks. When we are in IAH, DH just commutes back and forth, and then we are paying for our apartment and cable and all those other things to just sit. I'm one of those people that can't say no and feel like I have to be at everything or someone will get their feelings hurt.
I do miss my family alot, but I want my family (me, DH, and DD) to have our own life here in OH and not have our schedules contingent on what's going on in Texas. We have no friends here because we are never here! My DH just recently started fishing with a pilot buddy but as for me and DD nothing. I don't want to move home, I want to enjoy not living in TX and not dreading when I have to go back. My family just thinks it's no big deal for us to jump on a plane and be there in 2 1/2 hours. But, I know for a fact that none of them would get on a plane by theirselves with a child and fly here. I'm venting because Chloe` and I are about to leave on Wednesday. It's just frustrating! I hate leaving DH at home. Loads aren't good for him to come this weekend, so yet again i will be without him at a family function.
I had a really bad experience on a flight last year. We were taking off from IAH to BOS and lighting struck so close to us that there was a huge bang, a flash of light, and everyone on the plane thought we were going to nosedive, we thought the lightning hit the plane. I've never fully recovered from being so scared and I stress myself out so bad before a flight, that I get so sick at my stomach. People think I'm crazy, that my DH is a pilot and I am scared to fly unless he is with me, beacuse if something is going to happen we will all be together.

Like I said, I'm venting because we are leaving Wed and I'm already stressing out!
Sorry for the long vent!

[Imachickadee75]

Wow Rachel! You are a much better woman than I! I'm in the same situation just the opposite geographically. I'm in Oklahoma and my family is in Upstate NY (maybe we should just switch families!). It is a two leg trip for me so I go home about four or five times per year with my two boys and stay for a week or so. I love traveling with the boys but it is exhausting! I can't imagine doing it every month! Now we've lived here ten years now and I have a part time job (or had one until recently but that's another post) and am working on my Master's degree so I'm somewhat limited timewise by those factors. But we DO have a life here with those things and good friends. But, I feel VERY guilty being away and am considering a move back "home" but it would make hubby's commute nightmarish (an hour to the closest airport, commuting through Chicago). In fact, today I'm missing out on my oldest niece's 17th birthday. It sucks.
I don't know if this has helped any but know that I think you are superwoman going so often. Would you see your family that much if you lived closer? My sisters live less than an hour away from my parents and sometimes only see them once a month or so.

As for your fear of flying....wow. It sounds like you are more afraid of something happening to you and your daughter and leaving your husband alone than of an actual crash or something. Maybe it would help to remind yourself that you are more likely statistically to be in a car wreck than an aviation accident. You don't hesitate to get in the car do you? The other thing I try to keep in mind is that the pilots have families to get home to as well. Also, can your husband describe in detail what the pilots had to do when the lightening struck? Did they dive purposely or was the plane out of control? I was with DH all through his aviation training and have a pretty good understanding of how planes fly and the effects of weather on it. Maybe brushing up on all of that would help you feel more secure.

I'll be thinking of you....

Jackie

[stellaandcorasmommy]

luckily for me...we moved back to be closer to family. but, occasionally consider moving closer to base again - the commute is WEARING on him.

but...i would suggest looking into some mother groups in your area. it will be really good for your daughter to meet some friends in her area. other girls that she can create bonds with...her age is so perfect for that right now. check out mamasource.com... i know they have some in various areas...but it might be an idea for you.

also...we meet plenty of people during activities, swim lessons, etc. plus they are usually age-based, so you'll find kiddos around your daughter's age. it's nice to find a mommy that is in the same boat as you. it's nice to have them around to call on a whim and say...let's meet at the mc d's playground...i need to get the kids out of the house! you need it too.

take care! i second the suggestion to have husband explain some of the ins and outs of flying in more depth. it helps to calm your fears.

[mcmuffinpilot]

you are not alone! My family is all east coast , mainly Florida and I live in Phoenix and DH is in TX, so Non Rev is my middle name. I've spoiled my family some much by flying out there to see them all the time including holidays....but what they DON'T realize is that its a two leg sometimes three leg to get there and that it takes a FULL day to make the trip.
I work full time so my flying is limited to flying out Friday am and coming home Sunday night, basically being there one day ....really not fair on myself.
My DH usually doesn't fly with me , he'll meet me most of the time. In fact next weekend I'm flying alone to Burlington and meeting him there .
The fear of flying will get better the more independent you get doing it. I know the fear of something happening to you and your child , I'm experincing that now and my son isn't born yet.
Try and make friends with those around you on the plane or even the FA's , makes the trip a whole lot better .
I've always been really shy with passengers until I realized that they were travelers just like me , they just have a "paid ticket"

Bottom line , try and commuticate to your family that you love them , but its very hard commuting every month to see them. Blame it on the Summer and the weather delays ....hehe

[HeffsRah]

Wow - you visit them alot! Thats so nice of you!! I agree with the - "weather is too bad" - if you feel bad about telling them that you just don't want to anymore - or just be honest and tell them that you want to have your own life and it's wearing you thin to constantly be going there every month. They should respect you for wanting to become more independent - plus, it will make it all the more special when you do go visit becuase you'll be more happy about it, you know?



Other topic - I've never talked about this on here, but Jeff was actually in a plane crash, two months after we started dating. He used to banner tow in NJ and the guy he worked for neglected to have the plane properly inspected annually...needless to say, rusted through elevator cables aren't good when you need to pick up a banner at 500 ft and immediately lift in front of a line of trees. It was the first day I'd ever watched him fly, and I watched the entire thing happen. THANK GOD he knew what he was doing and made it out alive. Anyways - after that, I was PARANOID about him flying. I used to have major panic attacks when I wouldn't hear from him after a flight. I never understood how he could be so calm about it even after that happened to him. Then, I learned to trust it and get used to it as he is. I still worry at times when I don't hear from him, or when the weather is bad. BUT, worrying about it only makes it worse, in my experience at least. I try to realize that what is going to happen will happen whether I worry about it or not. ..does that mean I don't? Absolutely not haha but way less than I used to. I agree with you feeling safe when you're with hubby - I feel much safer when we're together in every situation.

[Rebes]

I understand how you are feeling. When we first were married we moved to NJ to be near DH's EWR base. I had my first child there, and was absolutely miserable being there alone. My parents are in the DC area, and we did decided to move back to Virginia after 3 years in NJ.

I do see my parents a lot after being back, because they spend so much time with my kids. DH does not mind the commute because I am so much happier, so that makes him him less stressed knowing that I have family around if something happens when he is away on a trip.

On another note, I don't know how hold your child is, but I do know once my kids started school, I formed many bonds/playdates with moms at their schools which helps!

[amelia]

Wow, you do visit a lot. I wish I could see my family more often like you see yours. I don't see my family enough. Most of my family lives in the DC area, but some of my family lives in the Charlotte area. I make try to make it back east every 6 months...I wish it was more. I would go to DC once and then NC once a year. My mom used to live in Charlotte until April when she became a missionary and moved to Thailiand. I do feel less pressure to go to NC since my mom isn't there (thats a very long story dealing with my mom and the pressure she put on me to come to NC and only NC to see her and not go to VA to see my dad......).

I feel bad that I don't see my family more but its so hard to non-rev these days as we all know. Esp. with 2 kids. When we go, its around DH's schedule b/c I don't like to travel alone with both kids and I'm tired of having vacations/seeing family without him (I used to do it alone before my son was born).

[Kristie]

I realized years ago that visiting too often was really stressing... mainly because visiting my family meant getting back into "what's going on WITH the family" and my family...major (!!) drama....that i now need to stay away from.

I talk to my family..or at least my sister...about once a week whether it's via email or phone. I talk to the rest of my extended family about 1 or maybe twice a year, if that, now.

I think it's really nice that you visit your family so often. That's one thing i actually miss - family togetherness - just the word family kinda makes me sad because my family's drama is sooo odd that i *don't* want to hang out with them too often.

the only thing i can suggest is to not stress yourself out...if you find the visit stressing, cancel it. if you find planning for the visit stressing, cancel it. it's not worth the price if you're not going to enjoy yourself. maybe cut down the visits from every month to every 3 months or move to twice a year so you can take a break.. see how that works and if it helps.

you can't always worry about other people's feelings, you've got to take care of your own first and foremost!!

[CLErocks]

Thank you all so much for your encouragement and thoughts! Heffsrah, you made a good point about if something is going to happen it's going to happen no matter what, worrying or not! I've never talked to anyone about this, and I talked to my sis about it last night, and to my surprise she was really understanding! I felt such a relief. I'm still going this week (niece's 5th bday) and I won't go back till October. And i'm not going to feel bad about it!
My sis told me too that my family was talking about coming to us this Christmas. That will be awesome!
DD will be three in October and she can start pee wee sports and dance and things like that, so i am really hoping to meet some people that way, and through our church. I found out about a home group that we are going to try!

Thanks so much for letting me vent!!

[alfajoyeux]

Originally Posted by CLErocks

For those of you who don't live around your relatives, how often do you go "home" and visit?

I've put myself in this position, but it's really starting to wear on me! I fly home ATLEAST one a month. We've been here in CLE for 10 months and the longest stretch of time I and my daughter have stayed here is for 4 weeks. When we are in IAH, DH just commutes back and forth, and then we are paying for our apartment and cable and all those other things to just sit. I'm one of those people that can't say no and feel like I have to be at everything or someone will get their feelings hurt.
I do miss my family alot, but I want my family (me, DH, and DD) to have our own life here in OH and not have our schedules contingent on what's going on in Texas. We have no friends here because we are never here! My DH just recently started fishing with a pilot buddy but as for me and DD nothing. I don't want to move home, I want to enjoy not living in TX and not dreading when I have to go back. My family just thinks it's no big deal for us to jump on a plane and be there in 2 1/2 hours. But, I know for a fact that none of them would get on a plane by theirselves with a child and fly here. I'm venting because Chloe` and I are about to leave on Wednesday. It's just frustrating! I hate leaving DH at home. Loads aren't good for him to come this weekend, so yet again i will be without him at a family function.
I had a really bad experience on a flight last year. We were taking off from IAH to BOS and lighting struck so close to us that there was a huge bang, a flash of light, and everyone on the plane thought we were going to nosedive, we thought the lightning hit the plane. I've never fully recovered from being so scared and I stress myself out so bad before a flight, that I get so sick at my stomach. People think I'm crazy, that my DH is a pilot and I am scared to fly unless he is with me, beacuse if something is going to happen we will all be together.

Like I said, I'm venting because we are leaving Wed and I'm already stressing out!
Sorry for the long vent!

Before having kids, and even when we just had one child, I would go home quite often. I don't think it was once a month, but it was quite often. But, as the years have passed, and we have 3 kids now to travel with, it's a lot less often. It also became more difficult to travel when the kids started school and I didn't want to pull them out of school and miss assignments. And when they started activities that meet on the weekend, like sports or scout camping, etc, our time to travel home became even more limited.

I also felt the pressure to travel home, probably because (like you) I started out that way of travelling home so much. Even though I can still feel the guilt creeping in from time to time, I've realized that I can only reasonably go home so much during the year. And, as much as they try, I think even our own families don't quite understand all that we have to go through to get there. We went home for 1 1/2 weeks at the end of June, WITHOUT dh. I had to pack for all of us, dh helped us get to the gate, I had to fly alone with the kids (and we were separated with 2 in one row and 2 in another), get the two huge bags and booster seats from baggage claim, take a shuttle to get the rental car, get settled in the rental car to find out that they had given us the wrong car and the key didn't work, go get back in line again with kids and bags and seats in tow, and then drive 2 1/2 hours to my parents' house.

I guess what I'm tyring to say is that as your child/children get older, start school, get involved in extracurricular activities, that it may become even more of a challenge to travel home. Go ahead and let up on yourself now. Relax. Don't feel pressured or guilted into travelling home so often. Make where you live your "home". I'm not saying don't go home at all. But if you travel home on ALL of your spare time, you're going to miss opportunities to meet people where you live. I've done that before too.

Good luck with your visit home!

Wanda