problem - Page 2

lucky81698 · 01-04-2008, 05:20 PM

He doesn't sound like someone I would want to be around, not for the fact that is gay, but sounds like he is an obnoxious jerk!

I don't blame you for wanting to keep your daughter "innocent". I think a lot of kids are faced with adult issues much too young. If you don't want him there, it's no one's business but you and your husband's!

Kristie · 01-05-2008, 12:13 AM

the problem comes when facing those "adult issues" comes too late after they've already experienced those issues first hand. she's 6... if you ask me, with the way teen pregnancies/sex is going, i'd almost say it's time to tell her about the birds and bees before she even gets railroaded into a conversation about it without having the knowledge...same with homosexuality... being informed can make a difference in actions.

but if they were to come to my house, i'd play it cool too simply because it, IMO, shouldn't be seen any different than boyfriend/girlfriend dating...if they do stay at the house, you could always ask her if she has any questions during their stay or who knows, maybe she'd just ask you anyways.

however, if i didn't "like" one of the guys just because of his *personality*, then i'd also say no way...just because that can affect how you treat them while in your home and that also rubs off on kids (you know kids, so inquisitive and perceptive! they watch everything). if your BIL doesn't like it, they can get a hotel room... your house, your rules right?

Imachickadee75 · 01-05-2008, 10:59 AM

I have to agree that even at 6 your Daughter has probably already been exposed to homosexuality if not same sex kisses. They are all over the TV it seems (I guess it depends on how much you monitor her TV watching). I think what you have to ask yourself is whether or not you simply don't like the guy and want an excuse to not have him in the house or if same sex affection really is the problem. I think I would be more concerned about your daughter being exposed to his borish behavior than him kissing your BIL. A kiss can be explained then let go, him hurting her or someone else's feelings is a lot harder to fix.

Just my 2cents.
Jackie

flyershoe · 01-05-2008, 11:33 AM

I might be wrong about this, but it sounds like the problem isn't so much about them being gay, but the brother's partner being rude and obnoxious. I have quite a few friends who are gay and I have to say that all of them that I know wouldn't do anything overtly sexual in front of a 6 year old, kissing or otherwise.

The only time I've seen behavior like that is in the gay community... most gays I know don't walk down the street advertising it.

Even if there is a little bit of hesitancy to let them stay because of your concerns of your daughter seeing them kiss or something, I would tell the BIL that it isn't about him or their relationship - you just don't feel comfortable having them stay over when you've never even met the boyfriend. I would say that it would be fine in the future after you've met the guy, but you would rather not be put in that position.

czechmate · 01-07-2008, 08:28 PM

DH's brother is gay and he and his partner have been around our kids for years.
They're not married (yet) but we've told our kids that everyone deserves love.
I've been really upfront with my kids about it (DS Cullen is 8 and DD Ava is 4). I've said sometimes boys love boys, girls love girls and sometimes boys and girls love each other. It's not a big deal for us -- especially since his boyfriend is so wonderful.

But I totally get you not wanting this guy around because of his attitude.

Good Luck.

Jen

powellgal · 01-08-2008, 10:49 AM

Your home is a place you have spent YOUR time and energy creating the atmosphere you want your children to grow up in. Regardless of who it is, even if it's your own mother, there comes a point where you have to set boundaries for the people in your life that aren't the ones living under your roof. If you don't agree with their attitude or lifestyle because it's squashing standards you have set for your children, you have every right to say so. I know it's tricky when it's family but sometimes we're going to have to make decisions that certainly will not make everyone happy all the time.

01-04-2008, 05:20 PM	#11 (permalink)
lucky81698 Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: 1 Posts: 886 Recipes: Thanks: 1 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts	Re: problem He doesn't sound like someone I would want to be around, not for the fact that is gay, but sounds like he is an obnoxious jerk! I don't blame you for wanting to keep your daughter "innocent". I think a lot of kids are faced with adult issues much too young. If you don't want him there, it's no one's business but you and your husband's!

01-05-2008, 12:13 AM	#12 (permalink)
Kristie Admin/Owner Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Scottsdale, Arizona Posts: 6,729 Recipes: Thanks: 7 Thanked 18 Times in 18 Posts	Re: problem the problem comes when facing those "adult issues" comes too late after they've already experienced those issues first hand. she's 6... if you ask me, with the way teen pregnancies/sex is going, i'd almost say it's time to tell her about the birds and bees before she even gets railroaded into a conversation about it without having the knowledge...same with homosexuality... being informed can make a difference in actions. but if they were to come to my house, i'd play it cool too simply because it, IMO, shouldn't be seen any different than boyfriend/girlfriend dating...if they do stay at the house, you could always ask her if she has any questions during their stay or who knows, maybe she'd just ask you anyways. however, if i didn't "like" one of the guys just because of his personality, then i'd also say no way...just because that can affect how you treat them while in your home and that also rubs off on kids (you know kids, so inquisitive and perceptive! they watch everything). if your BIL doesn't like it, they can get a hotel room... your house, your rules right? __________________ www.jetcareers.com

01-05-2008, 10:59 AM	#13 (permalink)
Imachickadee75 Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: oklahoma Posts: 696 Recipes: Thanks: 1 Thanked 19 Times in 11 Posts	Re: problem I have to agree that even at 6 your Daughter has probably already been exposed to homosexuality if not same sex kisses. They are all over the TV it seems (I guess it depends on how much you monitor her TV watching). I think what you have to ask yourself is whether or not you simply don't like the guy and want an excuse to not have him in the house or if same sex affection really is the problem. I think I would be more concerned about your daughter being exposed to his borish behavior than him kissing your BIL. A kiss can be explained then let go, him hurting her or someone else's feelings is a lot harder to fix. Just my 2cents. Jackie __________________ Welcoming baby #3 this spring!

01-05-2008, 11:33 AM	#14 (permalink)
flyershoe Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Odenton, MD Posts: 823 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: problem I might be wrong about this, but it sounds like the problem isn't so much about them being gay, but the brother's partner being rude and obnoxious. I have quite a few friends who are gay and I have to say that all of them that I know wouldn't do anything overtly sexual in front of a 6 year old, kissing or otherwise. The only time I've seen behavior like that is in the gay community... most gays I know don't walk down the street advertising it. Even if there is a little bit of hesitancy to let them stay because of your concerns of your daughter seeing them kiss or something, I would tell the BIL that it isn't about him or their relationship - you just don't feel comfortable having them stay over when you've never even met the boyfriend. I would say that it would be fine in the future after you've met the guy, but you would rather not be put in that position. __________________ Lauren's 101 in 1001 Lauren's Myspace Page

01-07-2008, 08:28 PM	#15 (permalink)
czechmate Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Hebron, KY Posts: 552 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: problem DH's brother is gay and he and his partner have been around our kids for years. They're not married (yet) but we've told our kids that everyone deserves love. I've been really upfront with my kids about it (DS Cullen is 8 and DD Ava is 4). I've said sometimes boys love boys, girls love girls and sometimes boys and girls love each other. It's not a big deal for us -- especially since his boyfriend is so wonderful. But I totally get you not wanting this guy around because of his attitude. Good Luck. Jen

01-08-2008, 10:49 AM	#16 (permalink)
powellgal Jetgirls Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Richmond, Kentucky USA Posts: 92 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: problem Your home is a place you have spent YOUR time and energy creating the atmosphere you want your children to grow up in. Regardless of who it is, even if it's your own mother, there comes a point where you have to set boundaries for the people in your life that aren't the ones living under your roof. If you don't agree with their attitude or lifestyle because it's squashing standards you have set for your children, you have every right to say so. I know it's tricky when it's family but sometimes we're going to have to make decisions that certainly will not make everyone happy all the time.

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