sucky Christmas present

[Bigsweetie]

That's how I tried to look at it. I certainly didn't say anything to her about it, just pouted to DH LOL!

I'm glad you're nice to her, I'm sure your son appreciates it!

As for your relationship with her, I bet this baby will have a huge affect on your relationship with her. If you are supportive i'm sure she'll start opening up to you.

I would be inclined to call my MIL more, if she didn't feel the need to second guess every decision DH/I make when it comes to our kids. If she'd just enjoy thier company we probably wouldn't have as many problems. I'm sure it's hard as a mother to bite her tongue, but her son (my DH) is 35 years old. It's time for her to say "I did the best I could, and I have to trust my parenting skills enough to know that he is going to be fine". I'm sure as a mom you'll always worry, but keep it to yourself. My mom, i'm sure, worries too at times, but she doesn't burden me with it. She tells me all the time how proud she is of me and the person i've become. Her having confidence in me, has helped me to be self confident!!!

Good luck~! And congrats again!! Spoiling grandkids is tons of fun, so i've heard!!

Oh! A tip!! When I had my DD, my mom came to help out and she said "just tell me how you want things done and that's how i'll do them. She's YOUR daughter!" That meant SOOOO much to me. I do things a little differently than she did them 30+ years ago, and the fact that she respects me as a mother to make the best choices I can for my DD, means the world to me. I DO ask her for advice as well, but the fact that she didn't ram her parenting style down my throat or give me UNSOLICITED advice was priceless to me!! Just a tip from a mom to a future grandma!!

[Regina]

My mother-in-law, actually, my entire in-laws didn't want my husband to marry me...boy, that was a long engagment even though it was only an engagment no longer than 7 months. Four of them met my hubby at an airport for "lunch" trying to convince him to call off the engagment. A nephew and sister of his wrote letters to him about how crazy I was and how I wasn't morally good enough. His mom didn't acknowledge that I even existed, and then asked something like, "You aren't going to wear white are you?" Even at the wedding, she made faces in all the photos.

BUT...I now live next to her. I mean right smack dab next to her. She helps me out a bunch, and although I doubt she thought she would ever had said it, she now tells me how glad that she is to have me in the family and how she thinks of me as a daughter. Who would have thought it...! So, relationships can change.

Yeah, my first born, my parents and hubby's mom stepped in a lot, but I thought it was just because he had so many medical problems. After reading this post, I guess it is just being a grandparent. My son was in Children's hospital in the NICU, and she gave him his first bath. I sat by silently and tried to hold back tears. I still get upset about it when I think about it. She probably thought nothing of it, but this was my first child and his first bath! My parents were outside my delivery room when he was born, even though my hubby told them we would call first thing. They couldn't wait and came to the hospital anyway. I think that was more or less the fact that the docs said he wouldn't live, but gosh, give me a little space! ha ha

I'm sure that any help you give them would be appreciated, especially if what you meant is that they aren't as prepared financially as they should be. I have been finding some great deals---free or very good prices-- on baby things (wipes, diapers, etc.), so let me know if you want some info. on that because right now is the time to stock up, and it always makes a good baby shower gift. Who doesn't need diapers and wipes, right?

Oh, speaking of a shower, when it is further down the line, I bet you having a shower for her or a couple baby shower would help ease some tension....maybe?

It is still hard for me to this day, and I am 33 years old, to tell my parents when I am pregnant. It is never congratulations....it never has been. If it weren't for the fact that I vomit continually before I even miss my period or the fact that I gain over 50 pounds in each pregnancy, I would probably not tell them until after the baby was born. Mostly because of their reaction, and it is not out of concern for me or the kids. Me having another baby after my first, my parents thought I was being selfish because it was taking attention away from him. So, what I am saying is, after the initial shock wears off (which, correct me if I am wrong, but appears that it already is wearing off some), just try to be as supportive and there for them as you can be. It definetly makes a difference to an already difficult situation.

[Mistress Trista]

I've never had an intrusive mother in law, so I guess i'm lucky in that respect. When I was married to my boys' father, his mother never had anything to do with them. When my second son was born, she came to the hospital and just sat there. My best friend was there and asked if she would like to hold him. She just shook her head no. My best friend gave me this horrified look that said she couldn't believe that, then my mother walked over and said, I'll hold that baby. My oldest knows her, but my second son was young when we divorced. We passed her in walmart one day and he didn't even know who she was, which is good since the woman didn't even acknowledge him. I can't stand that woman.

My current husband's parents died several years ago, so it's just my mom and grandmother and I was always grateful for whatever they did. I'll never forget my mother arguing wth the nurse after he was born. The nurse thought my middle child had red hair, my mother did not...LOL. He never had red hair, it's dark blonde. It must have been blood they didn't get out all the way when they cleaned him...

They were always there to help, but instead of just taking over, they would ask if I wanted them to do that. If I said yes, then I let them do it their way. They both raised 2 children each, so I figured they knew what they were doing...

[Bigsweetie]

Originally Posted by Mistress Trista

They were always there to help, but instead of just taking over, they would ask if I wanted them to do that. If I said yes, then I let them do it their way. They both raised 2 children each, so I figured they knew what they were doing...

Well, at least they were competant. My MIL thought it was perfectly fine to leave Emily, when she was 4 months old (and rolling), alone on her bed (which is surrounded by hardwood floors). She asked me once, when Em was 5 months old if she ate table food yet. I let her take Emily for the day once and when I picked her up she said "She stays right next to me in parking lots... I didn't even have to hold her hand!" Scared the daylights out of me... she was TWO for crying out loud!!

My grandparents raised three kids (on a farm) and as much as I love them, I wouldn't trust them for one second watching my DD. It was a different generation and we've learned a lot of new things about baby's since then. When I was little they were watching my brother and I. They told my 4 year old brother to go play in the barn (by himself). Well, I knew he was too young to be out there alone so I went with him. Thank God I did, because when I got out to the barn (about 4 seconds behind him) he was reaching for a HUGE raccoon trap!!! It would have taken his arm off!!!

Maybe i'm a b$^ch, but for me, she's my kid... it's my rules. I'm not nasty about it, but I have no problem instructing either of my parents (mine or IL's) on how things are done. I know my mom follows my instructions and because she does, I feel WAY more comfortable leaving her with my mom.

First time moms don't come with a lot of confidence. Letting them "call the shots" is the best way for them to "find their way" as a mother.

Just a thought... i'm sure you'll be a wonderful grandma and "MIL"!

[Mistress Trista]

I hope so... I think he's going to be a good Dad. He's great with his little sister and she adores him. I just hope I get my turn with the baby. He or she is going to have 6 grandmothers. Me, my mom, my father's mom, his girlfriend's mom and grandmother, as well as my son's step mom. Poor kid will be so spoiled, they probably won't let any of us near it...LOL.