Friends letting you down

[Londoner]

I need a little vent.

My husband and I are hosting a lunch at our home on Sunday for close friends and family (about 20 people) to celebrate our wedding anniversary. It's a small, select gathering, deliberately so. It's a lot of work, as we're doing all the catering ourselves.

And I've just checked my email, and I've just received an email from one of my friends to tell me that she doesn't think she - or her husband - will be able to make it, as her husband is apparently working all Sunday (he does a normal Mon-Fri, 9-5 job) and she has a lot of work to catch up on!

Is it me, or is that just rude? I deliberately gave her more than a month's notice so that she could make it, and she seemed very keen. It just sounds to me like they can't be bothered. Which doesn't make me feel like a very valued friend!

I know it'll be a lovely party anyway, but - don't you just hate it when people pull out at the last minute?

[Chi829]

You know what? I can understand how you feel. Especially if she is a good friend. But, you know, if she doesnt WANT to be there, then it's probably a good idea that she's not coming. You are celebrating a very special day and wouldnt want any scrooges around to spoil to love!

[mcmuffinpilot]

I completly understand !
we had a very small wedding so we could have a nice honeymoon,then when we got home we had a huge wedding reception a month later....none of my bridesmaids came (I had 4) ...it was the worst let down ever. I forgave them , but it really hurt my feelings. I had a really fun reception in the end though. All of my Dh's groomsmen were there..hahaha...Men are so different then us girls.

[SeatClutcher]

Is she a very CLOSE friend?

Is it possible, at all, that she could be bu...

(well, crap - no matter how busy you are, you can usually make an appearance at an important event. Can't you?)

Maybe it would be worth being hurt if you and she are very close/sisterly.

If you're not, and she's a "friend" (but really, an acquaintance), no big deal. You'll have people there you really, really care about, and who really, really care about you.

[Brenda]

That just stinks! I'm sorry. Gosh, and her husband isn't even a pilot? I've had friends like that, have a sister in law that is renewing her vows 8 months after her wedding anniversary, just 3 days before the baby is due. MY BABY! And she wonders what my mom is going to decide on doing. Going to see them renew on the wrong date, or seeing for the first time our baby being born.
Which will lead me to this question, and I don't mean to take over your post, but I need help figuring out what to do.
DH did not bid around a certain weekend for his cousins wedding. He hardly ever sees them and they never call here. They live in SDF (Louisville) So, his schedule came back and we had decided, kind of, that if he did have the date off great, and if he didn't then maybe he'd just get sick so that he could go. Well, because of vaca and scheduling conflicts, he didn't get that date off. And because of that he has to get quite a few hotel rooms in ATL becauseo f day trips that were put into his sched. So, he won't be going, working the trip and I want to stay home. I don't want to have to pay for one more hotel room in SDF for me and pay for a pet sitter for our dogs. I think they would understand if we didn't go since dh is a PILOT and I've been having back issues. But how do I get dh's parents to really understand?

[Adreamer's_wfe]

Maybe give her the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps they are dealing with something personal, and are not ready to share, and so, is not able to come. If she is a good friend, and usually supports you, then give her a chance.

I think it is awesome that you are celebrating. DH and I usually forget our anniversary. LOL

[Adreamer's_wfe]

Originally Posted by Brenda

Which will lead me to this question, and I don't mean to take over your post, but I need help figuring out what to do.
DH did not bid around a certain weekend for his cousins wedding. He hardly ever sees them and they never call here. They live in SDF (Louisville) So, his schedule came back and we had decided, kind of, that if he did have the date off great, and if he didn't then maybe he'd just get sick so that he could go. Well, because of vaca and scheduling conflicts, he didn't get that date off. And because of that he has to get quite a few hotel rooms in ATL becauseo f day trips that were put into his sched. So, he won't be going, working the trip and I want to stay home. I don't want to have to pay for one more hotel room in SDF for me and pay for a pet sitter for our dogs. I think they would understand if we didn't go since dh is a PILOT and I've been having back issues. But how do I get dh's parents to really understand?

Simple:
Thank you them for the invitation. Wish them well on their special day and then let them know that you are having back problems related to your pregnancy, and though you would LOVE to be there, you just cannot do it right now. Send a gift. Keep it clean and simple. Tell In-laws the same, you are carrying their grandchild as well as caring for the current grandchildren, and you need to take care of yourself and the baby. Because really, who is going to be critical about a PG woman not traveling with children to a wedding out of town? Only one person ends up looking bad, and it is not you.

[Brenda]

YEAH!!!!! Can you come and hold my hand while I tell them? lol
They are waiting for the lines to come out to find out bid results(more on that in another post)
Thanks!

[Adreamer's_wfe]

Well, I never have to talk to my MIL - sadly, she leaves half way around the world and speaks a different language. I am sure she is a lovely woman, at least that is what my DH tells me. (I don't see any love in her eyes when she looks at me!! )

Anyway, why do you have to tell her, have DH do it. Have him tell her that you really wanted to go, but he just doesn't want you to try and travel and end up exhausted and in pain when he will not be home to help due to his schedule.

[czechmate]

Originally Posted by Londoner

I need a little vent.

My husband and I are hosting a lunch at our home on Sunday for close friends and family (about 20 people) to celebrate our wedding anniversary. It's a small, select gathering, deliberately so. It's a lot of work, as we're doing all the catering ourselves.

And I've just checked my email, and I've just received an email from one of my friends to tell me that she doesn't think she - or her husband - will be able to make it, as her husband is apparently working all Sunday (he does a normal Mon-Fri, 9-5 job) and she has a lot of work to catch up on!

Is it me, or is that just rude? I deliberately gave her more than a month's notice so that she could make it, and she seemed very keen. It just sounds to me like they can't be bothered. Which doesn't make me feel like a very valued friend!

I know it'll be a lovely party anyway, but - don't you just hate it when people pull out at the last minute?

I'm so sorry.
But remember that this is important day for you and DH and for nobody else.
Focus on the friends and family who come and celebrate with you and don't let her rudeness ruin your wonderful day.
Happy Anniversary!
Jen