Hurt Feelings

[czechmate]

I need some advice.....

I live in a neighborhood where almost everyone knows each other. Everyone waves, says hello when out walking, talks at the pool, etc. So the day before the 4th, my good friend and neighbor asks me if we are going to the neighborhood party and I say "what party?" Long story short, my family and 5 other houses on my cul-de-sac were not invited. Mind you - to leave our street, we would drive past this house!!! The house with the rented water slide in the front yard with all the kids having fun!!!!

I couldn't care less because my DH's family was visiting and we were having our own BBQ, but my 8 yr old saw some of his friends walking up there and started to cry asking why we weren't invited.
I didn't know what to say.

The party mom and I have spoke on several occasions and all seemed well (we are neighborly but not good friends). Do I say something to her or do I drop it?

Thoughts?

[PGTIPS]

Hi Czech,

Could it have been an oversight? I personally wouldn't mention it. But what I would do... is have a party of your own in a few weeks time and invite everyone in the close. That way you can get to know the woman who didn't invite you. Next time there's no excuse not to invite your family.

I really wouldn't take it personally.
M x

[SeatClutcher]

On the child:
I don't have kids, so I don't KNOW what I would tell my son, but it might be something realistic. Like, "Well, there are always going to be some parties we aren't invited to. And then, there'll be some we are!"

If it's treated as a fact of life instead of as either a big rejection (which it probably wasn't) or an oversight (which it may well not have been - which is not to say there's anything wrong with you, but sometimes, people just don't want to invite you ["you" understood]), he'll be prepared for things being just the way they are.

On the neighbor: I wouldn't say anything. She's not obligated to invite anyone. Her party was her party, and your party will be your party.

[Chi829]

yikes. that's a tough one. I don't think I would metion it to her. I would just go out of my way to be extra friendly to her the next time you saw here out. MAybe you two will become friends and things will go from there.

[TheWife]

I wouldn't say anything either. Maybe she only felt comfortable with a certain size of crowd at her house at once, you have to draw the line somehwere. She probably has a pretty good explanation of how she decided to invite who, but I don't think she owes it to you and you may end up causing more tension by putting her on the spot to find out why you weren't invited. It's hard to not feel left out, especially as a kid, but your son's reaction will probably take a cue from you, if you seem upset about it, he'll be more hurt about it. If you blow it off and say "no biggie, we can't all be invited to every party" then he will hopefully not feel so left out.

[TheWife]

Man, I always sound like a harsh snot when I say things, just add a pinch of sugar to what I said cause I don't mean it to come across like that lol.

[Anonymous]

Maybe its a party you wouldn't want to go to anyway...I mean you said you didn't know them very well.
Maybe it was a "meet the other Swingers in the neighborhood party" ...
I like the idea of you having your own party and inviting them to it, just shows you weren't affected by not being invited??

I crack myself up..sorry , don't take offense to this please

[czechmate]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

Maybe its a party you wouldn't want to go to anyway...I mean you said you didn't know them very well.
Maybe it was a "meet the other Swingers in the neighborhood party" ...
I like the idea of you having your own party and inviting them to it, just shows you weren't affected by not being invited??

I crack myself up..sorry , don't take offense to this please

That's too funny and scarey - there was probably 100 people there. (According to my DH and my neighbor) I was too busy preparing and cooking ALL our food!

[UKcats06]

I don't really have any advice, but I sure hope it was an oversite. Thats kinda mean to have a big waterslide in the front yard and not invite everyone. Just seems pretty mean to me, especially if there are kids that weren't invited! Some people just don't think about things like that, though.

As far as what to say to your son, I wuold just agree with pretty much what everyone else has said. Tell him there are some parties you are invited to, some you're not. Still seems kinda mean though. (of the lady who had the party)

[SeatClutcher]

Originally Posted by UKcats06

I don't really have any advice, but I sure hope it was an oversite. Thats kinda mean to have a big waterslide in the front yard and not invite everyone. Just seems pretty mean to me, especially if there are kids that weren't invited! Some people just don't think about things like that, though.

As far as what to say to your son, I wuold just agree with pretty much what everyone else has said. Tell him there are some parties you are invited to, some you're not. Still seems kinda mean though. (of the lady who had the party)

There were five houses not invited, though. Is it possible offense is sometimes taken when there isn't any meant? What if the lady couldn't afford to invite every single person in the neighborhood? What if the people she invited were closer to her, friendship-wise, and the others were just neighbors?

One thing I feared about the suburbs was the expectation of automatic friendship brought about by little more than physical proximity.

(I'm not trying to sound mean, I promise. There are certainly thoughtless people out there, but not inviting a few people to your party doesn't necessarily make you thoughtless. If you bend over backward to please every single person, or live your life to avoid potentially hurting anyone's feelings, you're going to wear yourself out. Especially today, with 'self esteem' building as big as it is. Wouldn't it be better to be invited because someone wanted you there, rather than being invited - probably with a sigh and an eye-roll - only out of some sense of neighborly obligation?)