DH about to start flying commercially - the scoop??

[MaggieLang]

Hi Ladies,

SO glad I found this forum, it was JUST what I was looking for! I need ALL your input and feedback you can give!

My husband is about to start flying commercially within the next few months (he graduates from the Mesa Pilot's Program). Our second baby, a boy, is due at the end of March and our daughter is 14 months. Yep, I know; YIKES! I have a full time career with a management job in IT, so financially we're ok - and I've done my homework on the financial woes that a new pilot's salary (with student loans sweetly baked in!!) but I am ok supporting the family for now.

HOWEVER, what I really want to know ... and am dying to get the real scoop on from "real life" wives like yourselves (as opposed to all the guys versions in the jetcareers website) is ... WHAT'S IT REALLY LIKE? I'm pretty independent and am aware that they'll be gone a lot - but how much is a lot? Anyone else have small babies out there that can fill me in on daily life (our daughter is in a great daycare and our son will be too)? Once he starts flying and we find out where he'll be stationed, we're looking to relocate to a city of our choice (if he gets BUM$#% town, we'll move to the closest city we'd want to live in and he'll be ok commuting) ... sort of looking at DC, Austin, Chicago or Raleigh Durham right now but not sure.

Any suggestions, tips, feedback, advice? THANKS FOR A GREAT FORUM, I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM EVERYONE! And for the record ... I moved to FARMINGTON, NEW MEXICO (yeah that's what I said when I first heard of it: "WHERE???" from Los Angeles to support my DH's dream of starting a whole new career at 32 years of age) - so I think any other city will be an improvement over this one. Where does everyone here live and do you guys move a lot or stay stationary?

THANKS!

[rgphib]

Hi and welcome

My DH, Brendan, has been flying with Continental Express (aka ExpressJet) since June of 99 (currenlty looking for a new job since Continental decided yesterday to reduce Express's flying by 25% by next Jan....not good). I'm a bit bitter right now about the whole industry....basically DH is probably going to take a pay cut this year and perhaps back on reserve. After being with the same company since 1999 it really sucks! And that is just the beginning...CAL will probably start taking more flying away if they get a low price from other regional airlines. AGGHHH....

We don't have any kids yet (by choice, we don't want to have a family yet with the airline industry so unpredictable right now) so I can't help on that part. There are a few here that have young children that will be able to give you the scoop on raising a family I was hoping we would start trying this summer...but I am thinking that is not on the plate now.

As far as our living situation..DH is a commuter. He works in Cleveland, OH and we live in NH. So he usually bids 4-days (4 4-day trips a month) and commutes out of Manchester the morning he starts and will return at the end of the trip. It makes for a long trip to work and a lot of sit time waiting to work (since usually he will take the 6am flight but not start flying until after 11am and sometimes not until 2pm!) but we like living in New England. I told him no matter where he is based, if we need to move, I will (I am a science teacher and it will be easy for me to relocate if need be).

My advice, be ready for anything. I am starting to figure out why DH is so insistent on having a years salary in the bank and maxing out his 401K each year....Be supportive of him, even when it is hard.

Good luck. This is a great board for support.

PS....sorry if I sound so down on the pilot thing....things are not good at DH airline and it really makes us hate this whole industry sometimes. I am just hoping he will be at a new airline by the end of next year so he can enjoy his job again.

[Bigsweetie]

Hi Maggie,

It's hard to say what "alot" is since I don't know where your DH is working. My DH works for a regional (til tomorrow - Yeah!) and is gone about 4 or 5 days/week. At his new job flying cargo (training starts Jan. 2nd) he'll be gone 18 days and home for 12.

I'll be honest with you, it's very hard with a small baby. You really DO what a single parent does. There isn't anyone to grab a bottle for you when baby is fussy, or give you a break when you really need it. When you're sick you still have to do EVERYTHING (like pay bills, take care of kids, clean, wash bottles, change poopy diapers - not fun when you've been throwing up LOL!). It's not all bad. Just be prepared. I'm a new mother (to a 7mo. old) so I'm still trying to cope doing things w/o help. I'm sure it'll get easier. I love being home with her though.

That's great that you make enough to pay the bills. That's really important cause he probably won't make much in the beginning. He'll most likely go away for training (depending on where he works) and that can be anywhere from 1-2 months. They usually have weekends off, but our policy is that DH studies on the weekends so he doesn't come home. Except for this new job cause the training is about an hour from our house.

DH usually calls just when I finally get the baby to sleep! Or if he waits, by the time I can call him he's already in bed cause he's got to be up at 4am LOL!

On the up side though, my DH is home for full days (not just nights like 9-5er's) and has more days off/month than people w/ regular jobs.

As far as the REAL scoop, it's hard to describe our lifestyle cause it's truley different for everyone here! There's commonalities, but in general every job/situation is unique.

Read through PF Only for more info.

BTW - CONGRATS!! On the baby boy!! You'll have to post some pictures of your kids!

Welcome to the board.

[roz]

Welcome to the board! As everyone has said all situations are unique. But the willingness to be flexible and not schedule is common. We can't buy super hot Broadway tix 9 months in advance. We don't know if DH will be there! So, sadly and often, we don't get to go to that show. But there are others!

As our son got older, DH was able to volunteer coach in sports--he would not commit to being the coach or assistant but would help out. They all welcomed it. So he was there when he could be there. That made a big difference.

My DH and I are not believers in chasing metal. We've been at this since 1980. We have always lived in Philly and DH has always commuted. I was not about to change jobs and uproot our only child in the process of living at base for six months till they announced another base realignment! And I have always made more money, so I guess that figured into the analysis. LOL!

We are serious cook fanatics in our house. So I figure that when DH is returning, he wants a great home cooked meal. That's what he gets (it's not hard, because we live this lifestyle!). But if you are not like me and cook nightly, then you might want to plan the menu that way, along with appropriate leftovers for you when he leaves!

Again, welcome aboard!

Roz

[Kristie]

Hey Maggie,

Welcome!! you sound like things are already going to work out great for you and DH which is obviously a good start! I'm glad you've done your homework in regards to salary & independence and all.. that will help you greatly as you get used to the changes when he starts working after groundschool!

to me, 5 or 6 days gone is gone too long.. my DH who flies the MD90 out of SLC is typically gone 4 days, home for 3... every now and then, he'll get a schedule where he's home for an entire week and will be gone 5 days, home 3...but it just depends on what he bids on a monthly basis.

Our big bidding preferences depend on whether or not he has to commute the day before, if he can get a friday-monday off so we can go travel overseas (about once a month), longer layovers and enough duty time to make the trip worthwhile.... he does all the bidding, i just tell him what days he needs to try and get off...there's no way i'd do the bidding for him!! haha

We don't have any kids, but we have 3 cats... we moved out to Phoenix for quality of life and if that means he has to commute to SLC, CVG or ATL - he'll do it because he'd rather live in a city he really likes vs being close to "work" when the base could change anytime...plus, i have a good job out here (just got another salary raise yesterday) and we both need our incomes to survive the pitfalls of concessions right now. lucky for us, we both like to think optimistically (most of the time) and we think it should be getting better sometime in the future here....but anyways, enuff bout that!

but truth be known, there are ups and downs all the time and as long as you understand that it's not all wine and roses..and as long as you have friends that are supportive & can always turn to to talk, you'll do great!

Again, welcome and we're glad your here!!!

[Kimberly]

Hey Maggie-
I have a 7.5 month old, and my DH is an FO for XJET. It is vey challenging with little ones. As Tanya said, you are basically like a single mom, doing everything. And working on top of that can be very tiring. I work 30 hours a week as a physical therapist with pediatrics, and then come home to my little one at night. DH is typically gone 4-5 nights a week, and home 2-3. It is nice that they are home full days, and can spend good quality time with the kids. DH becomes super dad when he is home, and he wants to, because he misses her so much. I know it is hard for him because he feels like she is constantly changing so fast while he is gone. He also complains about the fact that with her so small, he can't explain to her where he goes and why daddy is gone. He says he can't wait until she can talk and then he can read bedtime stories to her and talk with her on the phone while he is on trips.
I know the DH and I often struggle to stay connected when he is on trips, bc scedules don't always mesh. I would stay connected any way you can. Email, text messaging, phone pictures, cell phone etc. It really helps! Anyway, enough blabbing. Glad you found us!!

[Shelbysmom]

Hi Maggie! Welcome to our weird, wonderful life.

Right now my best advice is, live below your means and save your pennies for a rainy day! I know too many couples who are putting houses up for sale, wives going back to work, etc. I do think things will iron themselves out eventually, but right now it's a rollercoaster.

As far as the lifestyle with kids - I have a 17mo DD and another baby due in late May. I work at home and put DD in a homebased daycare three days a week and it has worked well so far. It is tiring to be the only one when DH is gone (usually 3-4 nights a week) but I put DD on an early bedtime so I can relax a little in the evenings. She starts dinner around 5:45, gets a bath and goes to bed around 7 and that has been wonderful. Of course, if you're working full time you might not want to put them to bed so early.

My DH also struggles with being away from DD - when she was tiny she would not remember him when he came home, and it broke his heart. Now that she is a toddler he is greeted with kisses and he loves that! The good side is, when he's home, he's all ours. There's no bringing work home, no checking email all the time, no being tied to a cell phone. I would think he gets more quality time with DD than dads who work traditional schedules. He is super involved with her and makes the most of his time at home.

You will get used to it and find your routine. We all do!

[Amanda]

Hello!
Is your husband graduating from MAPD? My boyfriend has been working at Mesa for the last 2+ years (I think- I can't remember!). He didn't do MAPD, he did the flight instructor (CFI, CFII, MEI) route and then had a friend bring his application to Mesa. Nick started flying the 1900 as an FO out of Reading, PA (since he could live w/ his parents in West Chester, PA), then he went on to Hobbs, NM. Farmington, Carlsbad, and las Cruces NM were all part of his routes. The QOL was horrible, I can't lie. He had a crash pad in Hobbs with 4 other guys and came to visit me in Scottsdale AZ for a few days every other week. We agreed that it made sense for me to stay put and not follow him around to different bases!

After a year he upgraded to CRJ-200/CRJ-900 FO and is based in PHX. We live together and he is home 4 days a week. The QOL is a lot better since we get to see each other more often. We thought he was going to upgrade to Captain January or February but it looks like it won't happen. Nick is depressed about this but is very stubborn and refuses to go to another airline and lose his seniority. He says the next airline he goes to he wants to stay at for a long, long time. He was hoping to go to AWA but the merger ruined that plan. He would LOVE to go to UPS, fedEx, or SWA, but he doesn't have any PIC time so he can't apply. He has loads of rec letters which is great but they don't help without the min hours.

Nick also changed his career when he was "older"-- 29. He has an Engineering degree and was a production Manager before he decided to follow his dreams. I have a lot of respect for him for doing that since it took a lot of courage to leave a secure, well paying job. He absolutely loves what he does. The money isn't there, but we make things work. I know he gets depressed when he thinks about all of the aviation loans he has. He dreams of flying for a better airline. He is very driven so I am sure he will make it.

I moved to Scottsdale AZ about 7 years ago and I work for a large mutual fund company for the last 6.5 years. In 2006 I think I am going to look for something new career-wise. I want to wake every morning and look forward to my job like Nick does!

If you have any questions about Mesa specifically, you can send me a PM. That is, if he is interviewing there.

Amanda