Question.

Craig-Davidson · 11-03-2005, 10:13 PM

First of all i appologize if this is the wrong place to post this. I am a 16 year old male high school student. I am currently working on getting my pilots license and planning to attend ERAU after high school. My long term dream/goal is to become a major airline captain. Anyway to my question now. The thing that really scares me so much about this career is the divorce rate. I know it is extremely high and that scares me cause i never want me my wife or my kids to have to go through that. But i love flying so much there is nothing else i could ever do as a career. So is it possible to have a good strong healthy marriage? and what would be some tips/advice from yall on this. Thank you all a bunch.

Sincerely,
Craig Davidson

Kristie · 11-04-2005, 12:47 AM

Of course it is.. in fact, you'd be surprised at just how "strong" your relationship can become when you have to learn about patience, sacrifice and all that goes with the aviation lifestyle...it becomes more about quality of time together and not quantity....

my first suggestion is to look for a woman that would support you in your career.. that would sacrifice along with you...and if it's difficult to find that, then find one that's adaptable to change that can "learn" and adapt to the changes in lifestyle.

You've got a ways to go yet but your at the right age to start looking for the right type of girl... just make sure you date A LOT to understand what exactly your looking for...whatever you do, just have fun with the whole dating thing - there's no rush in finding the right woman!

Great question by the way and your posting is in exactly the right place!

JetCaptainsWife · 11-04-2005, 02:09 PM

Craig, it shows a lot of strength of character considering this facet of the industry so early in your intended career. Kristie is so right. It takes a special kind of person to be a pilot's wife, sometimes it is darn hard work, but it is also rewarding, and you can most certainly have a strong and healthy family relationship as an airline pilot. In fact, I met my husband in our very first class on our very first day at ERAU (DAB campus). We have been married more than 10 years, through flight instructing, two commercial airlines, (he's currently applying to his third), and all while commuting for the last 6 years. You'll find that it won't just be YOU "working" in the industry, it will be the support and encouragement from your wife and family that will "work" with you and for you. Some considerations will depend on whether you to decide to commute or not (live in a different city than which you are based). You may find a commute a bit burdensome at times,

but many find that commuting works best for them depending on your lifestyle choices, where your families live, where your wife works, etc. Definitely do not give up a lifelong dream because the "right match" will HELP you to reach your goals!

Bigsweetie · 11-04-2005, 05:54 PM

You're a little young to be worrying about this... cute though!!

My best advice...
NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, forget to appreciate what your wife and children will have to deal with in order to support your career choice. It's a very demanding lifestyle for the spouse and children and once you forget to appreciate that and take that for granted... consider it over.

Nuff said.

(Sorry, marital problems at the moment)

Chi829 · 11-05-2005, 05:09 PM

Craig,, these ladies has some awesome things to say,, now here's my 2 cents. Yes! At times, it downs right SUCKS to be married to a pilot, and yes, it's hard, and yes i get stuck with managing the house, bills, and dogs (no kids right now) at least 3 days a week every week. But guess what makes it all worth it in the end? When I see my husband wake up and put his uniform on as if it were though he were putting on a million dollar suit. (to him it is) He LOVES to fly and loves what he does,,, that is what makes being married to a pilot worth it,,,, seeing him love his job. And hey,,, it's not so bad getting a few days of out the week all to yourself to do whatever it is you want to do too huh ladies?? Im a newly wed,,, been married 8 months,,, met my husband when he was a flight instructor at Delta COnnection Academy, so I've been with him through it all pretty much. I wish you all the luck in the world,,, keep chasing those dreams and I have faith that you will find a supportive and strong partner

Kimberly · 11-06-2005, 09:28 AM

Here is the advice my husband gives, and I think it's very true:

Marry your best friend. She will be able to stick with you through thick and thin and will champion you on toward your goals whatever they may be!!

I agree with Kristy- have fun dating.... but don't comprimise on the qualities you find important in a potential mate.

Bigsweetie · 11-06-2005, 01:05 PM

I'm just gonna add one more thing to an already long list of good advice.

Find someone that is supportive... Yes. But at the same time don't forget that marriage is about supporting EACH OTHER'S dreams, not JUST yours. I know alot of pilot families that revolve their entire existance around the husband's career and never taking into account the needs or happiness of the other person. Marriage cannot be a oneway street (or runway) where the only goal for happiness is the pilots career. If she has a job that she loves, you need to support that too. And sometimes that may mean sacrifices on your part as well. The same way that she'll be sacrificing things along the way to support your dreams.

Being a pilot is cool, sure. And being a supportive wife is important. But losing yourself in your husbands career is not healthy and not the situation that you ultimately want to be in. Because it can eventually lead to resentment.

I hear from a lot of pilot wives that have moved from base to base to base away from family, friends, etc. and then the wife is upset, lonely, depressed. We have an arrangement where we WILL NOT move to his base. I don't want to leave my family right now and he would prefer that i'm here also. That means he has to commute and that can be a pain sometimes. But I make ALOT of sacrifices for his career too so it works out. If we are faced with the NECESSITY to move then we will discuss it.

I would never ask Eric to not be a pilot. Not ever. It IS possible to still be a pilot and make compromises. If you work hard enough at it.

It's a great job if that's what you love to do. BUT IT'S ONLY A JOB. Don't lose sight of what's really important in life.

jennypenny0379 · 11-06-2005, 04:52 PM

The only thing I would add to the wonderful posts that you have already received is don't limit your self to only wanting to be a MAJOR airline pilot. I know that to most pilots (my DH and brother included,) the pinnicle of flying is flying for a major airline. Don't forget there are some amazing carrer oppertunites as a corprate pilot also.
I am so impressed at the thought you are putting into your carrer (and future family) at such a young age. I think that you will be just fine. Just remember it takes a strong, flexiable and SECURE woman to be married to a pilot but it also takes a man who has a strong charater to be a pilot AND a husband.

Good Luck,

Jenn

Brenda · 11-06-2005, 05:16 PM

Wow Jenn! Well put.

roz · 11-06-2005, 06:04 PM

Good thoughts here! I'm in the never move to base camp too--not because I have family or ties here--but I have a career that has always made more money than the airlines. So a spouse should have a life and been flexible and supportive. But the pilot has to also be flexible and supportive. That means coming home and pitching in, not FIRST grabbing the scuba gear, golf clubs or whatever fun activity they have. Additionally, the definition of a major is changing daily as is the quality of life. So keep an open mind. Also don't rule out fractionals. We have a friend who was furloughed from a bunch of airlines, including a major who is a Capt. and check airman at NetJets and is quite happy. He lives in Cape Cod and works out of Boston.

Brenda--where have you been????????????????

11-03-2005, 10:13 PM	#1 (permalink)
Craig-Davidson New Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Ardmore/OK/USA Posts: 2 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Question. First of all i appologize if this is the wrong place to post this. I am a 16 year old male high school student. I am currently working on getting my pilots license and planning to attend ERAU after high school. My long term dream/goal is to become a major airline captain. Anyway to my question now. The thing that really scares me so much about this career is the divorce rate. I know it is extremely high and that scares me cause i never want me my wife or my kids to have to go through that. But i love flying so much there is nothing else i could ever do as a career. So is it possible to have a good strong healthy marriage? and what would be some tips/advice from yall on this. Thank you all a bunch. Sincerely, Craig Davidson

11-04-2005, 12:47 AM	#2 (permalink)
Kristie Admin/Owner Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Scottsdale, Arizona Posts: 6,631 Recipes: Thanks: 7 Thanked 17 Times in 17 Posts	Re: Question. Of course it is.. in fact, you'd be surprised at just how "strong" your relationship can become when you have to learn about patience, sacrifice and all that goes with the aviation lifestyle...it becomes more about quality of time together and not quantity.... my first suggestion is to look for a woman that would support you in your career.. that would sacrifice along with you...and if it's difficult to find that, then find one that's adaptable to change that can "learn" and adapt to the changes in lifestyle. You've got a ways to go yet but your at the right age to start looking for the right type of girl... just make sure you date A LOT to understand what exactly your looking for...whatever you do, just have fun with the whole dating thing - there's no rush in finding the right woman! Great question by the way and your posting is in exactly the right place! __________________ www.jetcareers.com Last edited by Kristie; 11-04-2005 at 12:49 AM.

11-04-2005, 02:09 PM	#3 (permalink)
JetCaptainsWife Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: STL Posts: 24 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Question. Craig, it shows a lot of strength of character considering this facet of the industry so early in your intended career. Kristie is so right. It takes a special kind of person to be a pilot's wife, sometimes it is darn hard work, but it is also rewarding, and you can most certainly have a strong and healthy family relationship as an airline pilot. In fact, I met my husband in our very first class on our very first day at ERAU (DAB campus). We have been married more than 10 years, through flight instructing, two commercial airlines, (he's currently applying to his third), and all while commuting for the last 6 years. You'll find that it won't just be YOU "working" in the industry, it will be the support and encouragement from your wife and family that will "work" with you and for you. Some considerations will depend on whether you to decide to commute or not (live in a different city than which you are based). You may find a commute a bit burdensome at times, but many find that commuting works best for them depending on your lifestyle choices, where your families live, where your wife works, etc. Definitely do not give up a lifelong dream because the "right match" will HELP you to reach your goals! __________________ Allison Wife to Chip, CRJ Captain with AWAC/PHL (soon to be B6 FO) ---------------------------------------- "Some of us might find happiness if we would quit struggling so desperately for it." -- William Feather

11-04-2005, 05:54 PM	#4 (permalink)
Bigsweetie Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Clinton Township, Michigan Posts: 1,561 Recipes: Thanks: 8 Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts	Re: Question. You're a little young to be worrying about this... cute though!! My best advice... NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, forget to appreciate what your wife and children will have to deal with in order to support your career choice. It's a very demanding lifestyle for the spouse and children and once you forget to appreciate that and take that for granted... consider it over. Nuff said. (Sorry, marital problems at the moment)

11-05-2005, 05:09 PM	#5 (permalink)
Chi829 Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Panama City, FL Posts: 1,373 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 7 Times in 7 Posts	Re: Question. Craig,, these ladies has some awesome things to say,, now here's my 2 cents. Yes! At times, it downs right SUCKS to be married to a pilot, and yes, it's hard, and yes i get stuck with managing the house, bills, and dogs (no kids right now) at least 3 days a week every week. But guess what makes it all worth it in the end? When I see my husband wake up and put his uniform on as if it were though he were putting on a million dollar suit. (to him it is) He LOVES to fly and loves what he does,,, that is what makes being married to a pilot worth it,,,, seeing him love his job. And hey,,, it's not so bad getting a few days of out the week all to yourself to do whatever it is you want to do too huh ladies?? Im a newly wed,,, been married 8 months,,, met my husband when he was a flight instructor at Delta COnnection Academy, so I've been with him through it all pretty much. I wish you all the luck in the world,,, keep chasing those dreams and I have faith that you will find a supportive and strong partner __________________ Jo Happily Mrs. Adams and Mommy to Liam www.joandbillsblog.blogspot.com

11-06-2005, 09:28 AM	#6 (permalink)
Kimberly Jetgirls Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Garland (Dallas Area) TX Posts: 282 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Question. Here is the advice my husband gives, and I think it's very true: Marry your best friend. She will be able to stick with you through thick and thin and will champion you on toward your goals whatever they may be!! I agree with Kristy- have fun dating.... but don't comprimise on the qualities you find important in a potential mate. __________________

11-06-2005, 01:05 PM	#7 (permalink)
Bigsweetie Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Clinton Township, Michigan Posts: 1,561 Recipes: Thanks: 8 Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts	Re: Question. I'm just gonna add one more thing to an already long list of good advice. Find someone that is supportive... Yes. But at the same time don't forget that marriage is about supporting EACH OTHER'S dreams, not JUST yours. I know alot of pilot families that revolve their entire existance around the husband's career and never taking into account the needs or happiness of the other person. Marriage cannot be a oneway street (or runway) where the only goal for happiness is the pilots career. If she has a job that she loves, you need to support that too. And sometimes that may mean sacrifices on your part as well. The same way that she'll be sacrificing things along the way to support your dreams. Being a pilot is cool, sure. And being a supportive wife is important. But losing yourself in your husbands career is not healthy and not the situation that you ultimately want to be in. Because it can eventually lead to resentment. I hear from a lot of pilot wives that have moved from base to base to base away from family, friends, etc. and then the wife is upset, lonely, depressed. We have an arrangement where we WILL NOT move to his base. I don't want to leave my family right now and he would prefer that i'm here also. That means he has to commute and that can be a pain sometimes. But I make ALOT of sacrifices for his career too so it works out. If we are faced with the NECESSITY to move then we will discuss it. I would never ask Eric to not be a pilot. Not ever. It IS possible to still be a pilot and make compromises. If you work hard enough at it. It's a great job if that's what you love to do. BUT IT'S ONLY A JOB. Don't lose sight of what's really important in life.

11-06-2005, 04:52 PM	#8 (permalink)
jennypenny0379 Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: DTW Posts: 8 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: Question. The only thing I would add to the wonderful posts that you have already received is don't limit your self to only wanting to be a MAJOR airline pilot. I know that to most pilots (my DH and brother included,) the pinnicle of flying is flying for a major airline. Don't forget there are some amazing carrer oppertunites as a corprate pilot also. I am so impressed at the thought you are putting into your carrer (and future family) at such a young age. I think that you will be just fine. Just remember it takes a strong, flexiable and SECURE woman to be married to a pilot but it also takes a man who has a strong charater to be a pilot AND a husband. Good Luck, Jenn

11-06-2005, 05:16 PM	#9 (permalink)
Brenda Jetgirls Plus Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: EVV Posts: 1,209 Recipes: Thanks: 11 Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts	Re: Question. Wow Jenn! Well put. __________________ - Brenda, wife to Eric, Capt for Shuttle America.

11-06-2005, 06:04 PM	#10 (permalink)
roz Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Philly Posts: 2,252 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts	Re: Question. Good thoughts here! I'm in the never move to base camp too--not because I have family or ties here--but I have a career that has always made more money than the airlines. So a spouse should have a life and been flexible and supportive. But the pilot has to also be flexible and supportive. That means coming home and pitching in, not FIRST grabbing the scuba gear, golf clubs or whatever fun activity they have. Additionally, the definition of a major is changing daily as is the quality of life. So keep an open mind. Also don't rule out fractionals. We have a friend who was furloughed from a bunch of airlines, including a major who is a Capt. and check airman at NetJets and is quite happy. He lives in Cape Cod and works out of Boston. Brenda--where have you been???????????????? Last edited by roz; 11-06-2005 at 06:09 PM.

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