Tell me we're not crazy.....

[biochemtine]

So when I'm home alone at night and no one to talk to and am sad, lonely and bored, do I tell Eric???? Or do I deal with it on my own.

My marine friend (who did this lifestyle) says I shouldn't tell Eric. Other people say I should.

What do you say????????

[skibum515]

That's gonna depend on you guys. This is one thing that ended up contributing to the demise of John and I. I told him how i was feeling alone and sad and bored etc and he was basically like "yeah it sucks but deal" Come to find out later (much later) that he was feeling the same way but didn't want to tell me because as he put it, there was no use in us both being miserable and bitchy. I told him though, if he had told me that he was feeling just as lonely as I was, it would have made me feel better about the whole situation cause then I wouldn't have felt like I was so alone in my feelings.

Hindsight is 20/20, but I would say tell him and make sure you get out of him how he's feeling too because he could be just as upset as you, and it helps to ease it if you both know that you're both feeling it.

jmho

[biochemtine]

Thanks Emily. That helps a lot.

We haven't officially started this yet, just a couple nights he's been away. My biggest frustration is that I have no friends in the area and I NEED social interaction in the evenings. I'm fine eating/sleeping/being alone, but for 5 hours a night every night I'll go crazy. I need someone to talk to.

When he gets internet access there it'll help a lot. And if I ever make friends that will certainly help too.

[Kimberly]

I totally relate. I have friends here, but they are all so busy and have their own lives-- husbands and kids. Its not like we can just hang out like we did in college.

When DH is gone it gets lonely. I do often tell him how I am feeling, I just don't go too overboard. I think he feels loved when he hears how much I miss him, but at the same time, you don't want to burden him with major emotion because this is what he chose, and there is nothing except for quitting that will change it. I try to look at times when he is gone as opportunities to grow and develop new interests or activities. Although there are times when it just sucks and thats the way it is.

[Chi829]

Im actually going to share something with all of you that will really let you know just how lonely I got. When DH got hired at ASA,, we lived in orlando (that was OCT 04) then in May 05, i got layed off at Delta Connection Academy,, so here I was, no job,,, no family, and really no friends. I found it a perfect time to move back home here to panama citu, florida, where my family and friends are. It really sucked being alone in orlando and i suffered greatly from "separation anxiety". THe transition for me was tougher than i had expected because until that time i had never been alone on my own. I had always had either room mates or my twin sister. Anyway, When i was going thru that tough transition period,, DH was in new hire training, and althugh I tried at times to hide just how hard it was for me,,, he saw right thru it. It made things even tougher for him, and at times im sure he even felt guilty for leaving me behind. Although this was supposed to be the greatest thing in the world for him, for me, at the time, it wasnt. What this all amounts to I guess is that, now that I am back living in my home town, with friends and family,, things are wonderful. I know you probably dont have that option, but i wouldnt suggest hiding anything from him, especially the way you feel. Be open and honest with him,, im not saying to totally dump on him ..... but let him know how you feel,,,, im sure he will feel a lot of the same feelings and it will more than likely make you feel a lot better. Hope this helps,, and oh yeah,, every one including Roz and Krisite,, told me that with time,,, being alone gets easier and you just get used to it... at the time, I didn't believe it, now a year later, I do!

[biochemtine]

Thanks.

What I'm struggling with mostly is no friends. I'm very involved in a church, but the church is so far away that hanging out with the people from church isn't feasible.

My work is great and a great social distraction.

I'm trying to find something I can do in the evenings; like a yoga class or something.

[rgphib]

I totally understand the "no friends" thing. When I graduated from college (DH graduated a year before me) we decided to leave Florida (where we went to college) and move back to New England where our family was (he was from southern NH and I was from MA on the NH border). That was fine and dandy but since I was away so long, I no longer had my childhood friends. All my college friends were now scattered across the country and there is no near-by alum chapter for my sorority (that would have been nice....). I am not one to go to bars or clubs (been there, done that in college) so it wasn't like I went out looking for new friends. I have my friends from teaching...but that isn't the same. Especially since some of the friends I teach with were my DH's teachers (I teach at his old jr. high, now middle school).

I do get lonely a lot. We lived with his parents for a few years, and actually that was great. They did finished their basement into a 1800sf apartment for us and we loved it. I know, weird, but I really love my in-laws. We finally did move out of their home a couple of years ago, and it is nice to now have our own home. I sometimes wish we still lived with them (I know, I am crazy)....I hate being lonely. I am at the point now, that it is just my life. It's okay, it sucks at times, but it is okay. I do enjoy my time alone, but of course I wish Brendan was home with me every night.

What I am trying to say (I often get off on a tangent!), is that it is okay to tell him you are lonely and you miss him. He is feeling the same way too. I wish I had advice on making new friends....but I am in the same boat!

[lucky81698]

I guess I'm not the only one that had a hard time finding friends. I moved back to my hometown after my son was born. I called one of my "good" friends, but she was divorced and wasn't interested when she found out I had a baby. Oh well! I didn't really make any friends until my son started school. Most of the mothers all had older kids and already knew each other (in their own little cliques) but I did meet 2 ladies that I ended up being friends with for a couple years now. One is actually the younger sister of one of my best friends from high school. Our boys are on the same basketball and baseball teams and the one has been in the same class with my son since kindergarten. We're not the call everyday type of friends, but do get together once in awhile for coffee or go to the one's house to swim in her heated pool. We usually yak about the amount of homework and school type junk, but it's nice. But it did take almost 6 years! Oh yeah and back on the topic, I complain if I'm lonely! If I have "deal" so does he!

[Bigsweetie]

Originally Posted by biochemtine

Thanks.

What I'm struggling with mostly is no friends. I'm very involved in a church, but the church is so far away that hanging out with the people from church isn't feasible.

My work is great and a great social distraction.

I'm trying to find something I can do in the evenings; like a yoga class or something.

That's a very good idea...

As far as telling DH how you feel, I probably wouldn't do it at first. But it depends on your DH. Eric (my Eric, not yours LOL) HATES it when I tell him I miss him so much. It makes him feel helpless and sad that i'm bummed. Once you guys get into it a little you might want to bring it up gradually. Try not to dwell on it though, this is the situation and you WILL adjust. We all had to.

Use this opportunity as "airline pilot wife training" because really... you're journey is just starting as a true pilots wife.

It sounds like you're looking at opportunities to keep busy. That's a very good idea. Eventually you might get to a point, like me, where life goes on as "normal" when he's gone. You'll get into your own routine (like you did before you were married) and it'll get easier to handle.

We're always here for support though...

[roz]

It's the same here. I never had family where I live. And most "friends" that I made through my son's school, sports teams, etc. fizzeled the second you were not involved in that situation. But I did get involved in a school foundation board. From that I have met some enduring friends.