Commuting for life? - Page 2

kaarinmarie · 10-11-2008, 07:45 PM

We lived in a base city when dh first got hired, hated it the entire time, so we moved home. Dh is so much happier regardless of the 2 hour drive to the airport then a 4 1/2 hour flight to his base. Yes we have a crash pad but it is a bunch of friends, so even if I want to go, I can, and stay with him! We will always be commuters!

Adreamer's_wfe · 10-11-2008, 10:25 PM

I talked to DH about this today - unless I am willing to leave everything and move, he knows he will have to commute for life. He seems okay with it.

I have all of my family and friends in the area, and we rely on them heavily becuase DH is gone so often. Moving just so he would not have to commute would really not be positive for our entire family, so commute it is.

katherine2473 · 10-13-2008, 06:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FilleBelle

In talking about where we might eventually want to settle down, Kevin mentioned that one of his requirements in a permanent living situation is to be near whatever base he ends up at once he's gotten into the airline from which he intends on retiring. Did that make sense? He doesn't want to be 45 years old and commuting/spending time in crashpads/etc.

That makes perfect sense to me, but I'm also wondering how common that is. Do most senior pilots who have settled into their major airline live where they are based? Any idea if there are a bunch of them commuting?

Just idle curiosity.

What happens if the airline he wants to retire from doesn't have a base that's close to your family?

FilleBelle · 10-13-2008, 05:29 PM

Firstly, my family is flexible. I have extended family scattered about the country and would be happy living near any of them. My father is near retirement and my mother's job is such that she is in high demand anywhere. They are perfectly content to follow me if I settle someplace that is not Los Angeles. So the first thing to do would be for me to try and figure out a way for us all to live near his base.

That failing, Kevin has already come to the conclusion that being where I am is more important than the location itself. He is willing to commute so that I can be near my family.

A quote from him: As far as the "where will we live" thing goes, I think what we came down with was that we'd both make our best efforts to find someplace that worked for both of us. If I have to commute until we can work something out that fits what everyone wants, then I'm willing to deal with it. Hopefully by that point, I'll be at a major and can afford a small apartment rather than a crashpad. If it happens to be on the other side of the country, you may only get to see me a couple days a month, but I won't force you to move away from your family (if that's what you're worried about). I'm also not going to leave you based on geography. We are very lucky that I'm in an industry that affords me that freedom, and I would be dumb not to take advantage of that.

We wouldn't have gotten this far if we hadn't already worked this out. I try to make sure one issue is settled before I move on to the next

Actually, his eventual willingness to work with me on that point is part of what is making me hesitant to dictate the circumstances under which he moves to Los Angeles. He is moving here, a more expensive place in which he doesn't really want to settle, in order to keep me near my family. I almost hate to now demand that we be engaged, too.

CLErocks · 10-13-2008, 06:12 PM

We've been in the regionals for 3 years and we "chase metal". To me it's more important for us to be together than by my family. Do I miss them? Yes. Do I sometimes think we're doing this all wrong? Yes! But I love the places we've been able to experience since we have chased metal. My DH's base just got moved, again, and I would move tomorrow to be at base. He's been commuting for two weeks and I hate it, and so does he. I don't think that we as a family could handle being commuter's for life. I know I'm on the other side of the fence but I like living at base and will move at any cost to make our QOL better.

spotty4 · 10-13-2008, 06:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CLErocks

We've been in the regionals for 3 years and we "chase metal". To me it's more important for us to be together than by my family. Do I miss them? Yes. Do I sometimes think we're doing this all wrong? Yes! But I love the places we've been able to experience since we have chased metal. My DH's base just got moved, again, and I would move tomorrow to be at base. He's been commuting for two weeks and I hate it, and so does he. I don't think that we as a family could handle being commuter's for life. I know I'm on the other side of the fence but I like living at base and will move at any cost to make our QOL better.

I may get in trouble for saying this, but I think it comes to a point in each of our lives that eventually your family becomes the one you make w/ your husband. While we all love our parents and siblings and extended family, we live day to day for the family we have w/ our spouse.

CLErocks · 10-13-2008, 07:57 PM

You couldn't have said it any better! That's the way my DH and I look at things anyways. We make decisions based on what's best for us 3, not our whole extended family!

mrs767er · 10-13-2008, 08:55 PM

I have started to reply at least 6-7 times and erased them all. I think it comes down to the title of the thread, without the question mark.
Makes me think of another question, and with humour intended, one can ask "whose life is it anyway?".

FilleBelle · 10-13-2008, 09:35 PM

The health of my relationship is not jeopardized by my desire to live near my family. Neither Kevin nor I wants our relationship to exist in a vacuum. We want the support of church, friends, and most especially family. Kevin hasn't lived near his for a while and is therefore content to live near mine for now.

The purpose of this thread was neither to debate the pros and cons of living near family, nor to help me work out my living arrangements with Kevin. (If you want to do that, head over to the "Oh no...I'm an IDIOT" thread!) I was simply curious if living near base was a goal many senior pilots had.

rgphib · 10-13-2008, 09:40 PM

DH has commuted since he started flying. He commuted from NH to EWR, CLE and IAH for 9 years while flying for ExpressJet. He has been commuting from NH to OAK and LAS for the past 2 months for Southwest. Next month he is actually holding MDW which at least won't be as long as a commute (I think OAK and LAS were going to make him go insane!). Our family is all in New England and DH really wants me to be near them. We also really love NH.

That being said, I am open to moving to Florida so DH can be based in MCO. We went to college down here so know the area and we still have lots of friends in the area. The big problem (besides family being in New England) is that I really like where I teach. But I HATE that DH has to commute. He gets nervous the day before he goes to work and the day he has to come home.....especially in the winter when the weather gets bad. I would love him to be able to get in his car and drive and not worry if the plane is oversold/delayed/cancelled. The good thing is both of our parents have condos down in Florida (and I know my parents would move if we were to move down here).

I can see us going either way. Once he can hold BWI maybe it will get better, but Southwest has either am or pm commutable trips. So one end will always not be commutable (for the most part).....so we'll see in a few years.

10-11-2008, 07:45 PM	#11 (permalink)
kaarinmarie Jetgirls Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Redding, CA Posts: 39 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: Commuting for life? We lived in a base city when dh first got hired, hated it the entire time, so we moved home. Dh is so much happier regardless of the 2 hour drive to the airport then a 4 1/2 hour flight to his base. Yes we have a crash pad but it is a bunch of friends, so even if I want to go, I can, and stay with him! We will always be commuters!

10-11-2008, 10:25 PM	#12 (permalink)
Adreamer's_wfe Jetgirls Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Michigan Posts: 451 Recipes: Thanks: 2 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	Re: Commuting for life? I talked to DH about this today - unless I am willing to leave everything and move, he knows he will have to commute for life. He seems okay with it. I have all of my family and friends in the area, and we rely on them heavily becuase DH is gone so often. Moving just so he would not have to commute would really not be positive for our entire family, so commute it is.

10-13-2008, 05:29 PM	#14 (permalink)
FilleBelle Jetgirls Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: The land of swimming pools and movie stars Posts: 304 Recipes: Thanks: 6 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts	Re: Commuting for life? Firstly, my family is flexible. I have extended family scattered about the country and would be happy living near any of them. My father is near retirement and my mother's job is such that she is in high demand anywhere. They are perfectly content to follow me if I settle someplace that is not Los Angeles. So the first thing to do would be for me to try and figure out a way for us all to live near his base. That failing, Kevin has already come to the conclusion that being where I am is more important than the location itself. He is willing to commute so that I can be near my family. A quote from him: As far as the "where will we live" thing goes, I think what we came down with was that we'd both make our best efforts to find someplace that worked for both of us. If I have to commute until we can work something out that fits what everyone wants, then I'm willing to deal with it. Hopefully by that point, I'll be at a major and can afford a small apartment rather than a crashpad. If it happens to be on the other side of the country, you may only get to see me a couple days a month, but I won't force you to move away from your family (if that's what you're worried about). I'm also not going to leave you based on geography. We are very lucky that I'm in an industry that affords me that freedom, and I would be dumb not to take advantage of that. We wouldn't have gotten this far if we hadn't already worked this out. I try to make sure one issue is settled before I move on to the next Actually, his eventual willingness to work with me on that point is part of what is making me hesitant to dictate the circumstances under which he moves to Los Angeles. He is moving here, a more expensive place in which he doesn't really want to settle, in order to keep me near my family. I almost hate to now demand that we be engaged, too. __________________ Caitie, sometimes girlfriend to Kevin, a Trans States FO based out of IAD

10-13-2008, 06:12 PM	#15 (permalink)
CLErocks Jetgirls Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Ohio Posts: 290 Recipes: Thanks: 9 Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts	Re: Commuting for life? We've been in the regionals for 3 years and we "chase metal". To me it's more important for us to be together than by my family. Do I miss them? Yes. Do I sometimes think we're doing this all wrong? Yes! But I love the places we've been able to experience since we have chased metal. My DH's base just got moved, again, and I would move tomorrow to be at base. He's been commuting for two weeks and I hate it, and so does he. I don't think that we as a family could handle being commuter's for life. I know I'm on the other side of the fence but I like living at base and will move at any cost to make our QOL better. __________________ Rachel

10-13-2008, 07:57 PM	#17 (permalink)
CLErocks Jetgirls Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Ohio Posts: 290 Recipes: Thanks: 9 Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts	Re: Commuting for life? You couldn't have said it any better! That's the way my DH and I look at things anyways. We make decisions based on what's best for us 3, not our whole extended family! __________________ Rachel

10-13-2008, 08:55 PM	#18 (permalink)
mrs767er Jetgirls Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Cincy Area Posts: 204 Recipes: Thanks: 1 Thanked 12 Times in 12 Posts	Re: Commuting for life? I have started to reply at least 6-7 times and erased them all. I think it comes down to the title of the thread, without the question mark. Makes me think of another question, and with humour intended, one can ask "whose life is it anyway?".

10-13-2008, 09:35 PM	#19 (permalink)
FilleBelle Jetgirls Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: The land of swimming pools and movie stars Posts: 304 Recipes: Thanks: 6 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts	Re: Commuting for life? The health of my relationship is not jeopardized by my desire to live near my family. Neither Kevin nor I wants our relationship to exist in a vacuum. We want the support of church, friends, and most especially family. Kevin hasn't lived near his for a while and is therefore content to live near mine for now. The purpose of this thread was neither to debate the pros and cons of living near family, nor to help me work out my living arrangements with Kevin. (If you want to do that, head over to the "Oh no...I'm an IDIOT" thread!) I was simply curious if living near base was a goal many senior pilots had.

10-13-2008, 09:40 PM	#20 (permalink)
rgphib Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: NH Posts: 849 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts	Re: Commuting for life? DH has commuted since he started flying. He commuted from NH to EWR, CLE and IAH for 9 years while flying for ExpressJet. He has been commuting from NH to OAK and LAS for the past 2 months for Southwest. Next month he is actually holding MDW which at least won't be as long as a commute (I think OAK and LAS were going to make him go insane!). Our family is all in New England and DH really wants me to be near them. We also really love NH. That being said, I am open to moving to Florida so DH can be based in MCO. We went to college down here so know the area and we still have lots of friends in the area. The big problem (besides family being in New England) is that I really like where I teach. But I HATE that DH has to commute. He gets nervous the day before he goes to work and the day he has to come home.....especially in the winter when the weather gets bad. I would love him to be able to get in his car and drive and not worry if the plane is oversold/delayed/cancelled. The good thing is both of our parents have condos down in Florida (and I know my parents would move if we were to move down here). I can see us going either way. Once he can hold BWI maybe it will get better, but Southwest has either am or pm commutable trips. So one end will always not be commutable (for the most part).....so we'll see in a few years. __________________ ~Robyn~ Wife to a new Southwest FO....and Mommy to Jack!

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