I never get tired of this joke!!

Bigsweetie · 09-02-2007, 08:27 PM

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a"gripe
sheet", which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problem, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpi t.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last ..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

Imachickadee75 · 09-02-2007, 08:46 PM

Those are awesome!

Jackie

ccbegay · 09-03-2007, 12:09 PM

hehehe...ok the midget one was great...i loved through the whole thing...hahahahahha

Amanda · 09-03-2007, 12:40 PM

Thanks Tanya- I haven't seen those in over 4 years and they still make me giggle!

UKcats06 · 09-04-2007, 10:52 AM

Haha! I love those, "p: mouse found s:cat installed" is my favorite.

09-02-2007, 08:27 PM	#1 (permalink)
Bigsweetie Member Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Clinton Township, Michigan Posts: 1,567 Recipes: Thanks: 8 Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts	I never get tired of this joke!! After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a"gripe sheet", which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problem, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpi t. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for. P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!) S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. And the best one for last .................. P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget

09-02-2007, 08:46 PM	#2 (permalink)
Imachickadee75 Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: oklahoma Posts: 648 Recipes: Thanks: 1 Thanked 14 Times in 6 Posts	Re: I never get tired of this joke!! Those are awesome! Jackie

09-03-2007, 12:09 PM	#3 (permalink)
ccbegay Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Concord, NC Posts: 1,660 Recipes: Thanks: 5 Thanked 7 Times in 7 Posts	Re: I never get tired of this joke!! hehehe...ok the midget one was great...i loved through the whole thing...hahahahahha __________________ <-------Halloween fun for LadyBug Kenzie... ~Great Love and Great Achievements involves Great Risks~ CASSIE

09-03-2007, 12:40 PM	#4 (permalink)
Amanda Jetgirls Plus Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: PHL suburbs Posts: 2,154 Recipes: Thanks: 12 Thanked 11 Times in 11 Posts	Re: I never get tired of this joke!! Thanks Tanya- I haven't seen those in over 4 years and they still make me giggle! __________________ Amanda Loving wife of Nick, an Int'l FO for Continental flying the 757/767 based in EWR!

09-04-2007, 10:52 AM	#5 (permalink)
UKcats06 Jetgirls Ol' School Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Erlanger, KY Posts: 686 Recipes: Thanks: 2 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts	Re: I never get tired of this joke!! Haha! I love those, "p: mouse found s:cat installed" is my favorite. __________________ Emily

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