 Re: New at this!
[quote:0036816921="Bigsweetie"] I don't generally hold to the "you're either cut out for it or not" philosophy. I had an extremely hard time at first adjusting to my bf (now husband) being away. I would get on these message boards and practically cry my eyes out that I didn't know if I could "cut-it". I had a number of women (not on this particular message board) tell me that maybe I should consider leaving the relationship. Thank God for the few women who told me to stick it out and that it would get easier, because they were right.... it did.
I think all women handle the separation/lifestyle differently. Some women adapt very easily (although I disagree that those women are more "independant" than the others) and with others it takes time. Just allow yourself to feel however you want. Don't feel guilty because you hate that he's gone... it's o.k. to cry, hurt, even be angry sometimes. It's all part of the adjustment (at least it was for me). The feelings will pass.
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Hi... I feel the need to defend myself here since it seems I was slammed for what I said earlier. Maybe I should have changed my wording. Maybe I should have only stated, "some women will be able to adapt quickly, and for others it will take some time". Anyway, at no point did I say that she should leave the relationship!
To clarify further: Yes, I think that some women can better adapt to this lifestyle than others. You even said it yourself.
There is far less stress and strain on the relationship if one is able to adapt easily to all of the changes you'll encounter. Speaking for myself, I don't think my guy would be with me if I cried all the time or complained or made him feel guilty for being away. Note: I am not saying this is YOU, just making a statement. Maybe I'm adapting better because I'm independent, maybe not. I do know that I'm not sitting at my house feeling sorry for myself and my situation. I have many hobbies, talk to friends, read books, and keep myself busy. I do many things by myself, which other people would feel uncomfortable doing. I think if I was younger (and more insecure) I could have had issues with my relationship. I would also have a lot more difficulties if I had small children (I have a ton of respect for those of you with kids!). Each relationship/situation is different. If the timing was different for us, I wouln't be involved with my pilot. Only YOU know if your relationship is worth it. As it stands now, I have no kids and I have dated enough men to know that I am the luckiest gal in the world to be with my boyfriend. Not every day will be a bed of roses, and YES, I definitely miss him, but there is no question in my mind that he is worth it. When I hear his voice on the phone or read the tone of his emails, I know that he is living his dream of being an airline pilot and he feels blessed to have such a great life. I have chosen have a great life too! And he's a part of it!
AGAIN, these are my own opinions, based on my situation. You all have your own opinions on this subject. You are certainly entitled to agree or disagree!
I didn't mean to go on so long! I'm on these message boards to connect with other people in my situation, not cause controversy. Sorry if I upset you, Tanya. Amanda |