[Kristie]

ok, this is gonna be long cuz i HAVE to vent...or it's going to eat me alive!

Let me start by saying I love my mother-in-law to death...she's one of the nicest ladies i know, always helpful.. wanting to stay out of the way and there for support when we need it...what most would consider the "bomb" of MIL's and the qualities all daughter-in-laws want in an MIL.

...BUT...

having my MIL here in the house for 3 days has been constantly stressful unfortunately.. I mean, you'll never meet a nicer lady, esp one that WANTS to stay out of your hair.. but she SO wants to stay out of my/our hair that she wouldn't eat anything i cooked, brought her own apple, pears & trail mix to eat for dinner, lunch and probably brekkie if she wanted to.. wouldn't sleep in my guestroom - had to sleep on the downstairs couch...didn't want to bother me a bit.. not ONE bit...didn't want to help me with anything (except she did help me take the chicken fence off the back fence cuz it's being painted next week - for that, i'm extremely grateful!).. didn't want to come on my errands with me (just to even get out of the house).. didn't want to drive anywhere...she even had the balls to bring her OWN toilet paper and that was the one thing that made ME feel completely inadequate & offended... i mean, good god..i have plenty of TP and i can provide food, shelter and everything she needs...

her reasoning for bringing her own TP is because she checks her diabetes level on a daily basis and likes to use 1 sheet (not two-ply like i have) of TP...but shit, i have more than 1 roll of TP for her use and i can always buy more if we needed to (but we don't need to). but anyways - that was just the thing that really got to me.

she wouldn't sit on my family room couch - said it took too much effort to get out of it. wouldn't sit in an office chair - said she'd probably fall out of it and break a hip... so she sat in one of my resin patio chairs all weekend long - watching TV!

granted, she's 67 years old - but that doesn't mean she's dead and can't do things with me...I had to pry her away and try my damnest to get her to interact with me... doug says "she's just that way, don't worry about it" but shoot, what kind of daughter-in-law would i be if i just ignored her for 3 days on end?

what - does she not trust me to provide the necessary items for her to stay under my roof or does she think i'm going to poison her or something? I sure as heck don't want her to starve just cuz she's staying in our house! I made my own steak & potato for dinner tonight because she didn't want any...I made her one too just in case she got hungry later and nope, she said "ahh steak for doug to eat when he gets home huh?" and i said "no, if you get hungry and want to eat it, please do...otherwise, doug probably will eat it tomorrow for lunch or something" and yes, i did eat it in front of her because i was starving...i was not going to be PC about the smell of steak in my house or the fact that i was eating it. i figured, if she's going to be that way.. then there's just not much i can do - i can't force her to eat...

heck knows, if i would have made that pot roast, she probably wouldn't have even tried it so i just decided to forget that.

but i had to force her to do things with me...i made a great batch of sun tea on friday, just for her (started it before i went to work).. and she wouldn't even try it... i even told her i made it just for her cuz i knew she liked sun tea & she still wouldn't even take a glass....so to get her to try it, i asked her if she could try it and let me know if the sugar content is good cuz i'm still "learning" how to make the mix correctly.. to get her to interact with me more, i took her to joann's with me to pick out some greenery for the house...but if i would have just ignored her presence, she would have been fine with it and that REALLY bothers me...

some people hate having their in laws over because they're so bitchy or always getting in the way or because they tend to "take over"...i kinda wish my mom in law would be a little more "that way" just so i could get some reaction out of her...i'd want to go shopping with her or go see a movie or just take a walk upstairs and check out the new room we decorated and use the guestroom i made up especially for her - candle scents and all... she choose the room downstairs that had a sofa bed but she didn't use the sofa bed (she didn't want me to pull that out probably cuz it would "impose") and that room has all my garage sale stuff in it.. the only room in the house that i didn't put a burning candle in to freshen the scent...now, to me, that was an imposition because i had to rearrange all the sheets, down comforter etc downstairs....

i mean, i can't do a damn thing to please her because she won't even allow me to DO anything for her... i went to starbucks a couple of times cuz i like my chai's on the weekends and she didn't want a coffee or anything.. so i bought her a tall chai anyways and a marble pound cake...i had her try the chai and told her if she didn't like it, i'd drink it...well, she drank it but probably NOT because she wanted to...all i want to do is show her a good time - entertaining someone can be fun sometimes as long as the person is into that.. show her that i'm a good wife that takes good care of her son.. she says "i already know all that and you don't need to worry about me".. the last thing i want her to say is that she had a hard time being comfortable in my house because i didn't "do" anything...doug says she won't cuz that's not how she is and she probably won't.. but wouldn't it just be awful to have her go home thinking i didn't do a damn thing for her?

I remember my mom's mom doing something like that... my dad would try so hard to please her and yet, my mom's mom would go home saying "my daughter's husband doesn't do anything right, why the heck did she marry him".. granted it's different but has the same type of feeling.. i couldn't do anything that would please her - not even buy her a cup of coffee or take her out for dinner - she didn't even give me an opportunity. i even got her some coffee and bread (to make her morning toast) for breakfast and she didn't even use one slice...

I dunno... i guess you can't have it all ways...she could be just as bad in the other direction (like most MIL's) and i'd probably still complain but if she'd only WORK with me instead of constantly staying downstairs, eating her own food, using her own supplies etc etc....how can i work with someone like that to get them to open up to me and take advantage (be on vacation) when she can?

I had to pry converstation out of her.. what kind of music do you like - "all of them", what are your favorite types of movies - "I like them all".. it's just very hard to get to know her likes/dislikes! :-P

now the only thing is that i can't tell doug about this cuz then he'll get on his mom's case for not being more "cooperative" and honestly, if that's how she is on a normal basis, then i shouldn't be the one changing the way she does things, i have to meld and understand how she does them - but next time she stays over...i'm just going to have to pretend she's not even there cuz apparently, that's REALLY what she wants. it's just not acceptable to me yet.

gosh, i dunno what's worse.. having an MIL that gets in your way or having an MIL that constantly wants to steer clear of you in any way possible (even in your own home)?!

thank you all for thinking of me this weekend, for your kind words of advice and for the pot roast recipe(s) down in the recipe section... I'll use it on doug cuz i know he'll try my cooking! :-)