Hello All
My 1st post here. I wish it is a upbeat one, but it is not.
I am Jane, in my late 30's and live/work in San Francisco. I have lived in San Francisco bay area for more than 11 years. I am originally from Shanghai. Came to US to get my MBA more than 13 years ago. I have good job, my own place, good friends and close to my family despite they live far away. I am taking this summer off and working on my own private pilot license (for fun) right now.
I met a handsome and nice pilot who flies 757/767 (mostly coast to coast flying and to Hawaii) for United about 3 months ago and we have been dating. He is 2 years older than me. Like me, he married once before (5 years ago for him and 10 years ago for me) without kid. He just moved to San Francisco from Europe beginning of this year where he took a two year Leave of Absence learning French and Spanish (he is an American) . Things are going well, we managed to see each other once a weeek on average until 3 weeks ago. He has been calling me every 2-3 days until 3 weeks ago.
So 3 weeks ago, someone in United encouraged him to appy for a
management position in DC (Assistant Chief Pilot) and he got accepted. He did not expect that as they normally goes to captains and he is a 9 year FO. He has been flying since age of 19, and I know this is what he wants so that he can be home more and have a normal life (he had only 20 some days off in the past 2.5 months and totally tired from flying). I am happy for him (not the moving part though).
Before this moving news, we have been taking things slow. I never call or pressure him to call or see me. He has done all the callings and planning dates on his own. He is a great guy -- very respectful, kind to people, cultured, and treat me with affection and and kindness. He is the best overal guy I have met in the past 5 years. When I needed a place to stay for a few days last month, he offered me his place and I stay there 1st and 3rd nights without him. He even offered for my girlfriends to stop by after a concert near his place (he was out on trip). He also respects my wish to take things slow in intimacy department and waited for me to be ready in the past 2-3 months. In fact, the night I heard the news of his pending move/new job was the 1st time we were intimate. We share similiar value, polical view, and interest in art, music, healthy eating, fitness and aviation (I am actually more into aviation now than him as he is tired of flying, thus goes for management pilot job). Net net, I think he can be a great partner and I can see myself with him long termdespite only knowing him for 3 months. we are both looking for long term relationship (he has not had one since his divorce 5 years ago).
Well, since the moving news, he has been calling less. Apart from seeing him 10 days ago. He only called me once since about 6 days ago. When we saw each other, he did tell me that he will be busy with moving, finding place to live in DC and flying a lot (4-5 day trip almost back to back with red eyes).
On one hard, I want to be supportive and telling myself that the fact he is calling less now is because he has his plate full and he is stressed. When men is stressed, they forgot about time (I know as he forgot which day of week it was several times when he called me on the road). On the other hand, I have been feeling more anexious. My emotion is running ups and downs. In the past several days, this moving news is getting worst of me. He was supposed to call me this week, but he did not. I broke down and called him on Friday. But his phone was off and I left a VM. I called again last night and talked to him (he just landed in Hawaii). He sounded happy to hear from me, and appologzing that he has not called. But I sensed that he does not want to talk much about my emotion. I told him that the moving thing has more impact to me than I thought and I am sad (he replied, "so am I"). Then he changed subjects. I let him off the phone quickly (we never chitchat long over the phone anyway). He ended the call offering calling me tomorrow (Monday) during lunhc time when he gets back to SF. No mention of seeing me though (he has Monday and Tuesday off).
Sorry I have written a book here. Long story short. I can not help feeling needy and helpless inside. I feel that I am in a catch 22 situation. Since we are not committed and have not talked about our status (none of us are dating others), I feel I can not do much other than just waiting around. But can not do much is what kills me. Before the pending move, I had hoped that we will take things slow and let it develop naturally. The way he treated me and me to him, plus how we feel about each other (mutual admiration, respect, etc.) made me feel good about taking things slow. With pending move, I just not sure what to do if any other than have faith.
I have gotten advice from another pilot related group. But I like to get some of your thoughts here. How can I be less anexious? What are the ways to be supportive of him, yet have my needs of being connected met? Should I bring the subject "where this is going" or wait for him?
Thank you. Jane