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Originally Posted by jamies73  Yes Kristie you are right!! I have been asking myself that same question....why am I SO willing to give it all up, and yet my SO doesn't even realize it. |
could it be because your used to the way it is and maybe if you upset the balance might give him pause to move on even with baby on the way? i dunno, i'm just guesstimating
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Originally Posted by jamies73 I feel his heart is in the right place, i just think we have to take a more honest look at the future. |
not just a more honest look but a more thorough, realistic look. you two have a baby on the way...he needs to start taking more responsibility. from what i'm reading, it doesn't sound like he's pulling the same weight you are. you need to get him to step up, altho i have to admit that i think (?) it's going to take slow moves on your part, such that he doesn't just run out the door...it's not something you can just demand he do right then and there. i might be wrong tho...back in the day, i had to tell my man to step up and get off the pot or i was done, simple as that. I gave him a time limit and he got smart and stepped up. we've been going good for 6 yrs now (5 married). We had dated for 8 years before i'd had enough and even that was too long. I had thought we'd just live together forever until we had kids and *then* get married, but realized the benefits of being married outweigh living in that style (again, it's not for everyone...)
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Originally Posted by jamies73 I would probably do anything not to have to go 3 weeks apart constantly. |
really, there's nothing YOU can do other than try to travel with him or move to one of the base cities....but if he wants to change his schedule, then he needs to do that work.
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Originally Posted by jamies73 What bothers me alot is when he is away those three weeks..sometimes they fly 3-4 nights a week..sometimes not at all. In looking back they are always going out to bars and clubs 3-4 nights a week. I mean it started to get better depending on who his captain was, but I started to not feel good about the pattern..KWIM. I mean don't get me wrong I love my nights out with the girls when he is away...but I am not doing it 3-4 nights a week while he is away? |
Whew! slow down.. take one issue at a time or your gonna internally combust!
If he's flying only 3 or 4 nights a week, why doesn't he come home in between? or am i just not understanding the schedule? what's he doing the other 3-4 nights out of the week?
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Originally Posted by jamies73 I just wanted time to have more of a realistic routine. I thought by being willing to move..he could get a scheduled run..be home every day off weekends..even though I will miss the ME time..I know it is borrowed time until the next level..I thought it would be time for us to bond as a family, and openly get ready for the future..you know set some goals for the kind of couple we want to be when he is gone again. Communication has just been a BIG FAT pain..with the only home one week. He hates talking on the phone...I start to feel real disconnected, and you mix that with them going out all the time..then I feel like what am I doing?? |
ok, so if you make all the changes, what changes will he be making? sure, you could have more of a routine and be together more but at what expense? all the expenses on your plate (change of job, lifestyle etc) or will some be on his? is it not a commutable job? it sounds as though he has different bases, so why can he not commute so you both can keep the higher income and live where YOU too want to live? There has to be compromise so you will be happy too. It's not about following the company, following metal all the time, sometimes it has to be about following lifestyle, income or QOL.. it just depends on what you want...would you be happy moving to Alabama, are you willing to do whatever he wants you to do JUST to be with him? and do you *know* for sure on what HE wants or do you just *think* you do?
training is never a good time to get into anything other than training...but breaking off the communication is also not a good or wise idea. it's good to just talk, say HI for 5 minutes out of everyday (if he can) and hold off on the majority of "other"...all the "other" stuff can wait...
I apologize if i seem abrasive or too firm, i try to look at things in a realistic point of view, not adding any mush or emotional garbage, and give opinion based off that. you can take it or leave it, of course because it is ultimately your life, you have to do what's best for you and your family no matter what anyone else really says. being opened minded is what's needed when it comes to issues like these because even thinking outside the box can be beneficial, you never know when something you hadn't though of before would work perfectly for your situation!
HTH