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jamies73 · 07-10-2007, 05:45 PM

Hello Everyone!

I am gonna try to stay on track and keep things to the point cause I can write a book on my woes at the moment..LOL! You can learn about some of my backround on the get to know you page..yes I posted there first

Ok here it goes~

I've been with Db for 7 years. I am 34 and he is 27....Yeah..it was all supposed to be a "having fun thing" lol..well here we are. Hey I don't have to tell you how captivating these men can be..and smart..lol! Yeah he had me at "you ever had anyone fly you around in an airplane"....I LOVE airplanes love to travel...always had..so it wan't easy for him to win me over! At that time Db was a private pilot doing his under grad, and I too was a college student, working on a new career...so hey it really worked! He got me through Physics!!!! I am eternally grateful!

In the early years he was going to school, flying trying to get the many flight ratings needed, and worked at the airport part time. I worked 2 jobs sometimes, was a single mom, and in school. I was also now that I look back taking care of him...because he had no money to contribute..it ALL went to pay for flying. I LOVED ad still do the passion these men have for their goal!! Gosh it was a breath of fresh air to have a man in my life with passion! I was willing to help, and expidite the process, and I always looked at us as a team. BOY did i hear it from everyone around me with both barrels..lol

"What are you doing?? You are putting someone through school that might not even be with you in the end....He's gonna get there and leave you for a young FA..You are wasting your time, when you could be with a man that has made it andnot have to support him..you have 2 kids, now you have 3" etc etc

Oh guys the list goes on. Sadly these comments mixed with just lots of things caused us to break up for 1 year back in 2005-2006. I needee a break from supporting him financially, since I had just graduated, and I was starting to worry after 4 years of doing this..marriage was not in the plan, naturally i was just 31 at the time and trying to evaluate my life..and my choices. I traveled all over that year..with my children. It was so fun! However I missed my Db terribly..you know you are in trouble when you are on a girls trip to cancun, letting all your girls know what kind of palne they are flying before the FA does her little song and dance...lol like anyone cared!! I did

LOL

So I reevaluated again...and well we got back together right away, But that was over a year ago, and when we got back together it was like we never were apart..except WHOA things were different. He had just finished training for the cargo company, and since he was single before training he opted for the charter schedule...GONE 3 weeks home 1 week...OMG and he was getting minimum wage...YIKES! For a while we would travel on his week off..exotic carribean..whatever. I have the benefit of working 12 hour shifts so I get 4 days off a week that can run together and give me 8 days off...I mean I had to get super creative and it was anxiety to get the weekends off when he was home..but hey arn't we all SUPER WOMEN..I did it! Gosh guys the weeks away were stated to knaw on me..cause these guys were having a F**%$ing Blast while I was stuck here..travel dwindled cause Db would just want to be at home when he was off. I started to have those old thoughts creep in, cause again we were living together and me taking on all the financial load. We started to talk about marriage..well mostly me..lol..and he said 2007 would be our year! he just wanted to make captain here, get off charter and get a run where he can get his 1,000 hours PIC time..so he can get ready for the majors! Sounded like a great plan, right??

We started to talk about kids...honestly last few years my single mom dutues dwindled to an empty nest..I was enjoying my free time, but also felt stuck revolving my plans around Db..you know that SACRED week home..was quite the ordeal around here. He agreed we should try because I was 33 and he really wanted kids, I was scared to wait till my late 30's cause who knows how long your eggs are good KWIM! I dunno somehow we got to this place where we wanted kids, and thought we should try..so we did. for a year. Nothing. I swung back and forth on this..I would get a little scared I was infertile..but then I would say "hey wait a minute...let's do the marriage first buddy!!"..He is so anti-wedding..so I agreed to a destination wedding..Guys I am spanish and catholic..you can only imagine what this does to my mother..LOL...but hey EVEN SHE would go for a destination wedding over her daughter shacking up for years being a suga momma to a man she is not married to..lol...cause you know in our culture once you are married...well everything you go through is warranted..LOL..do I really believe that..NO but parents are old fashioned! I set down some boundries..NO KIDS till we get married...he came home early by one day...once..i must of ovulated late for the first time in over a year...we actually thought something was it wrong with us and we would address fertility in a few more years...well BAMMO that was the month I got pregnant!
He got that captain upgrade class....training has begun..So I bever went through it the first time..first couple days he is calling giving me heads up on we might have to move to alabama..WTF..you don't call your pregnant SO who is the main wage earner and tell her news like that not prepared to talk about it..KWIM.. I try to call him next day he says he is busy and he will call me back...yeah bust having a few beers playing dominoes at some pilots house for the company with woman laughter in the backround...I went NUTS...PSYCHO pregnant hormones NUTS!! Now I've been reading all your stories about how intense these trainings are...but I never read any women getting the short phone calls cause hubby has gotta socialize and play dominoes and basket ball and that is the sh*! I've been getting over here!! Maybe it was because it was the first week...I know he knows the aircraft..but JESUS..after a couple days of my smart a** remarks he blows up at me about how hard this is, and he needs to focus, and he won't let ME distract him...oh I guess dominoes is OK..anyway,,I spent last week crying..and this week I am just numb.

There is more..to say..but ladies I am gonna just start with this...I am already rambling...I have given up on calling him entirely..even on the weekend..cause If i hear he is out having fun instead of the intense SH** it is supposed to be I am gonna scream. You know I thought pilots were serious when they were working, but ever since he has flown with this company..all these guys do when they are away is party...CAPTAINS lead the pack..so what is he supposed to do stay behind in the hotel by himself?? well that is the BS excuse I have been hearing.

K...wrapping up promise..I have found that YES my insecurities are escalating...we still have no marriage plans...I am pregnant...we might have to move out of state..and I have to start my life over..oh well at least he is gonna have a 45,000/yr salary..I ahve been making six figures in california..I already know I will take a 20,000 pay cut probably..you know the money is not even the issue..I feel like I am giving and investing the FARM..and I am not getting the recipocation I deserve. I don't know if he doesn't want marriage because he wants to remain single when he is away from me..seems like all the other pilots at this company are young and single??? God my mind is running rampant..and I feel a little tricked too...why in God's name would he want to start a family if we can't get to marriage...I trusted that 2007 was gonna be our year, asn I am seeing it is just all about him and his job..and when I make complaints I get accused of not being supportive, insecure, etc. I just want to feel like his commitment matches mine..i mean these men don't make alot of money for a LONG TIME..everyone has it twisted thinking I am living high off the hog over here..but I am more scared of wasting years of my life..than my money..money has always just been there...but these years I cannot get back.

Now I have a baby to think about...and I think my confidence is good in regards to that..I was a single mom for my entire adult hood..I LOVED raising my kids...I have no fears about raising my child, I am financially sound..and I have the best huge family that is over the moon about this baby...but c'mon..this is not what I imagined..and I am trying to get things back to the middle.

Thanks for letting me vent...I do love my partner..very much I just feel things are one-sided. If anyone has any advice, and they didn't fall asleep through this I thank you in advance. Part of me feels if he moves out of state and doesn't want to marry me...maybe I should stay behind?? I am confused, alone, and if I share these things with friends or family...oh I'm gonna get the old "I TOLD YOU SO"!

Thanks guys!

07-10-2007, 05:45 PM	#1 (permalink)
jamies73 Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Sacramento Posts: 14 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	New and in need of HELP! Hello Everyone! I am gonna try to stay on track and keep things to the point cause I can write a book on my woes at the moment..LOL! You can learn about some of my backround on the get to know you page..yes I posted there first Ok here it goes~ I've been with Db for 7 years. I am 34 and he is 27....Yeah..it was all supposed to be a "having fun thing" lol..well here we are. Hey I don't have to tell you how captivating these men can be..and smart..lol! Yeah he had me at "you ever had anyone fly you around in an airplane"....I LOVE airplanes love to travel...always had..so it wan't easy for him to win me over! At that time Db was a private pilot doing his under grad, and I too was a college student, working on a new career...so hey it really worked! He got me through Physics!!!! I am eternally grateful! In the early years he was going to school, flying trying to get the many flight ratings needed, and worked at the airport part time. I worked 2 jobs sometimes, was a single mom, and in school. I was also now that I look back taking care of him...because he had no money to contribute..it ALL went to pay for flying. I LOVED ad still do the passion these men have for their goal!! Gosh it was a breath of fresh air to have a man in my life with passion! I was willing to help, and expidite the process, and I always looked at us as a team. BOY did i hear it from everyone around me with both barrels..lol "What are you doing?? You are putting someone through school that might not even be with you in the end....He's gonna get there and leave you for a young FA..You are wasting your time, when you could be with a man that has made it andnot have to support him..you have 2 kids, now you have 3" etc etc Oh guys the list goes on. Sadly these comments mixed with just lots of things caused us to break up for 1 year back in 2005-2006. I needee a break from supporting him financially, since I had just graduated, and I was starting to worry after 4 years of doing this..marriage was not in the plan, naturally i was just 31 at the time and trying to evaluate my life..and my choices. I traveled all over that year..with my children. It was so fun! However I missed my Db terribly..you know you are in trouble when you are on a girls trip to cancun, letting all your girls know what kind of palne they are flying before the FA does her little song and dance...lol like anyone cared!! I did LOL So I reevaluated again...and well we got back together right away, But that was over a year ago, and when we got back together it was like we never were apart..except WHOA things were different. He had just finished training for the cargo company, and since he was single before training he opted for the charter schedule...GONE 3 weeks home 1 week...OMG and he was getting minimum wage...YIKES! For a while we would travel on his week off..exotic carribean..whatever. I have the benefit of working 12 hour shifts so I get 4 days off a week that can run together and give me 8 days off...I mean I had to get super creative and it was anxiety to get the weekends off when he was home..but hey arn't we all SUPER WOMEN..I did it! Gosh guys the weeks away were stated to knaw on me..cause these guys were having a F*%$ing Blast while I was stuck here..travel dwindled cause Db would just want to be at home when he was off. I started to have those old thoughts creep in, cause again we were living together and me taking on all the financial load. We started to talk about marriage..well mostly me..lol..and he said 2007 would be our year! he just wanted to make captain here, get off charter and get a run where he can get his 1,000 hours PIC time..so he can get ready for the majors! Sounded like a great plan, right?? We started to talk about kids...honestly last few years my single mom dutues dwindled to an empty nest..I was enjoying my free time, but also felt stuck revolving my plans around Db..you know that SACRED week home..was quite the ordeal around here. He agreed we should try because I was 33 and he really wanted kids, I was scared to wait till my late 30's cause who knows how long your eggs are good KWIM! I dunno somehow we got to this place where we wanted kids, and thought we should try..so we did. for a year. Nothing. I swung back and forth on this..I would get a little scared I was infertile..but then I would say "hey wait a minute...let's do the marriage first buddy!!"..He is so anti-wedding..so I agreed to a destination wedding..Guys I am spanish and catholic..you can only imagine what this does to my mother..LOL...but hey EVEN SHE would go for a destination wedding over her daughter shacking up for years being a suga momma to a man she is not married to..lol...cause you know in our culture once you are married...well everything you go through is warranted..LOL..do I really believe that..NO but parents are old fashioned! I set down some boundries..NO KIDS till we get married...he came home early by one day...once..i must of ovulated late for the first time in over a year...we actually thought something was it wrong with us and we would address fertility in a few more years...well BAMMO that was the month I got pregnant! He got that captain upgrade class....training has begun..So I bever went through it the first time..first couple days he is calling giving me heads up on we might have to move to alabama..WTF..you don't call your pregnant SO who is the main wage earner and tell her news like that not prepared to talk about it..KWIM.. I try to call him next day he says he is busy and he will call me back...yeah bust having a few beers playing dominoes at some pilots house for the company with woman laughter in the backround...I went NUTS...PSYCHO pregnant hormones NUTS!! Now I've been reading all your stories about how intense these trainings are...but I never read any women getting the short phone calls cause hubby has gotta socialize and play dominoes and basket ball and that is the sh! I've been getting over here!! Maybe it was because it was the first week...I know he knows the aircraft..but JESUS..after a couple days of my smart a remarks he blows up at me about how hard this is, and he needs to focus, and he won't let ME distract him...oh I guess dominoes is OK..anyway,,I spent last week crying..and this week I am just numb. There is more..to say..but ladies I am gonna just start with this...I am already rambling...I have given up on calling him entirely..even on the weekend..cause If i hear he is out having fun instead of the intense SH it is supposed to be I am gonna scream. You know I thought pilots were serious when they were working, but ever since he has flown with this company..all these guys do when they are away is party...CAPTAINS lead the pack..so what is he supposed to do stay behind in the hotel by himself?? well that is the BS excuse I have been hearing. K...wrapping up promise..I have found that YES my insecurities are escalating...we still have no marriage plans...I am pregnant...we might have to move out of state..and I have to start my life over..oh well at least he is gonna have a 45,000/yr salary..I ahve been making six figures in california..I already know I will take a 20,000 pay cut probably..you know the money is not even the issue..I feel like I am giving and investing the FARM..and I am not getting the recipocation I deserve. I don't know if he doesn't want marriage because he wants to remain single when he is away from me..seems like all the other pilots at this company are young and single??? God my mind is running rampant..and I feel a little tricked too...why in God's name would he want to start a family if we can't get to marriage...I trusted that 2007 was gonna be our year, asn I am seeing it is just all about him and his job..and when I make complaints I get accused of not being supportive, insecure, etc. I just want to feel like his commitment matches mine..i mean these men don't make alot of money for a LONG TIME..everyone has it twisted thinking I am living high off the hog over here..but I am more scared of wasting years of my life..than my money..money has always just been there...but these years I cannot get back. Now I have a baby to think about...and I think my confidence is good in regards to that..I was a single mom for my entire adult hood..I LOVED raising my kids...I have no fears about raising my child, I am financially sound..and I have the best huge family that is over the moon about this baby...but c'mon..this is not what I imagined..and I am trying to get things back to the middle. Thanks for letting me vent...I do love my partner..very much I just feel things are one-sided. If anyone has any advice, and they didn't fall asleep through this I thank you in advance. Part of me feels if he moves out of state and doesn't want to marry me...maybe I should stay behind?? I am confused, alone, and if I share these things with friends or family...oh I'm gonna get the old "I TOLD YOU SO"! Thanks guys!