Jetgirls.net - View Single Post

katherine2473 · 03-15-2007, 06:19 AM

Hiya,
The lifestyle is an excuse for bad behaviour (not that I think 'dating' lots of people when he was single is bad behaviour, but the cheating that you're worrying about is!), but it's not the cause of it. Would you feel better or worse if he'd 'dated' loads of women in the PHL area? He could still run in to them, they could still come on to him, he could still cheat if he wanted. The only difference is that you feel you could 'control' the situation a bit more, perhaps? Believe me, I have had excatly the same issues as my fiance played the field extensively before we got together, and he's always running into exes. But all he can do is tell me that part of his lfie is over, and I believe that.
I'm a little concerned that it causes problems when you raise insecurities wuith your husband. This lifestyle is not the easiest and it is easy for silly things to take on more importance, so I think it is crucial that he does a little bit extra to reassure you when you're down. That said: (a) how are you raising the topic? If it's every day, and you're nigh on accusing him of cheating, then that is your issue and I can quite see why it causes problems for him! (b) Could you be 'addicted' to the constant reassurance he offers (assuming he does)? I found myself in the early days of our LDR testing my partner for proof that he loved me etc etc, and the more he offered, the more I wanted. I had to go cold turkey to force myself to become more rational! And of course, now I don't seek reassurance anything like as much, he offers it far more!
Anyway, it's give and take. If he gives you no reason not to trust him, then maybe back off for a while. Don't ask about anyone else, don't question him, just enjoy him - and see whether that makes life easier for both of you.
Just my thoughts!
Katherine

03-15-2007, 06:19 AM	#3 (permalink)
katherine2473 Jetgirls Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: London! Posts: 230 Recipes: Thanks: 0 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	Re: Fertile Imagination... Hiya, The lifestyle is an excuse for bad behaviour (not that I think 'dating' lots of people when he was single is bad behaviour, but the cheating that you're worrying about is!), but it's not the cause of it. Would you feel better or worse if he'd 'dated' loads of women in the PHL area? He could still run in to them, they could still come on to him, he could still cheat if he wanted. The only difference is that you feel you could 'control' the situation a bit more, perhaps? Believe me, I have had excatly the same issues as my fiance played the field extensively before we got together, and he's always running into exes. But all he can do is tell me that part of his lfie is over, and I believe that. I'm a little concerned that it causes problems when you raise insecurities wuith your husband. This lifestyle is not the easiest and it is easy for silly things to take on more importance, so I think it is crucial that he does a little bit extra to reassure you when you're down. That said: (a) how are you raising the topic? If it's every day, and you're nigh on accusing him of cheating, then that is your issue and I can quite see why it causes problems for him! (b) Could you be 'addicted' to the constant reassurance he offers (assuming he does)? I found myself in the early days of our LDR testing my partner for proof that he loved me etc etc, and the more he offered, the more I wanted. I had to go cold turkey to force myself to become more rational! And of course, now I don't seek reassurance anything like as much, he offers it far more! Anyway, it's give and take. If he gives you no reason not to trust him, then maybe back off for a while. Don't ask about anyone else, don't question him, just enjoy him - and see whether that makes life easier for both of you. Just my thoughts! Katherine