and i don't feel any different than last year, realistically speaking...not to say i don't feel any different than the first year that i lost my mom, because this year is WAY different than the first year...but, i think i'm doing pretty good considering everything that's been going on....
it's true that over time, you forget certain things that you NEVER actually thought you'd forget...or told yourself you'd never forget....the only *good* thing is that you never forget the person themselves and what they meant to you.
I'm somewhat lucky in that i have old vcr taps of a particular christmas (yes, just one) that i've been able to take from analog to digital just this past week and it's reminded me of my mom (and my dad) and the type of person they were (as we all were back then)... so besides pictures, i have my moms laugh, her movements and smile on video which will always remind me of who she was. I consider myself fortunate.
so even if your special person is gone, it's funny how everyday, you honestly think of them....even if over time, you forget what their voices sound like, what kind of humor they used to have.. how annoying they used to be to you...it brings up memories of things that happened.. yes, it does unfortunately, disapper (even tho nobody really admits it or likes to admit it, it is invariably sad but true).....but the memory of them being there, being who they are esp when you needed them never fades and that's the most important thing to remember even IF you don't have any motion pictures or photos to relate to.
all of the folks that lost their photo albums today in florida will probably feel like they've lost everything and they're right.. they've lost a hell of a lot today even if they didn't lose their lives....but they haven't lost their memories and that's the most important aspect of remembering someone (even if you do forget what their voice sounds like).
My suggestion today, since we have the techology, is to get a camcorder and record those special moments for such a time that you can show your children what they used to be like... or so that you can show yourself what a dork you used to be (yes, i found some of my old tapes this weekend too haha) or so you can remember those people as they were before they passed on to what we hope is a better life. I remember my mom everyday, i never forget who she is or was.. but i did lose her voice and yea, sometimes that's kinda painful cuz you never think that you could forget someone's voice or words or memorable times.. but it does happen which is why we have camcorders today. I'm pretty grateful that i have the one vcr tape of one particular christmas in the 80's that i can draw on...
as it is, i have a life to live and she has always wanted me to continue doing that.. that much i know! so, do me a favor and hug your loved ones today, in memory of my mom who passed away 10 years ago... cuz i kinda wish i could call her out to this world and give her a hug.
sorry bout the book!
