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Kristie · 06-25-2004, 08:35 PM

Hey Andrea! glad you stopped by to check in!! Good luck with your classes!!

I can ditto flygirl in that reserve and the early stages of commercial flying are really NO FUN for us women.. especially when it's long distance...

Doug and I did the long distance thing for over 2 years and the first thing you have to do is stop looking too far forward... slow down on the marriage talk for now and concentrate more on one day at a time instead... looking forward and starting the "what if" situations along with the "what should we do" situations really don't help in the long run when you know there really isnt much you can do - at this moment....

keep in mind that Hans wants to concentrate on you.. but schedules and flying are taking presidence since he's on reserve... it's going to be a given that you continue to get the "i'm second in his life" feeling because essentially - that is probably what is happening.. and here's why (just to give you an example)...

when doug and I were dating and he was flying regional or majors & on reserve/crappy schedule, I always felt like his flying came first and I came in dead last... and there were a few times, when we argued (or I argued) that he would bluntly say to me "right now, flying is my number 1 priority until i get into the major's and get a stable schedule.. once that's accomplished, you'll be my number 1 for as long as you want" and that's just how it was.. i had to understand that he was concentrating on getting into the majors, getting a stable schedule so we, as a couple, could continue life at a normal pace with some stability... working in the regionals and being on reserves really gives absolutely zero stability and you always feel like your life is constantly changing.. it sounds like that's where you at now.. it's constantly changing, you want him to sh*t or get off the pot (can't tell you how many times I told doug to do just that), he wants to get to a point of comfort with his career and it's just NOT happening fast enough... '

it's definately an uncomfortable time and that's when you need to step back and say to yourself "ok.... today's a good day.. i'll go with that and we'll take a look at tomorrow - tomorrow". with that method, it'll be a bit easier on you emotionally and you'll be able to handle things a little bit better.

flygirl's right - it will get better.. it takes time, a lot of YOUR patience and some MAJOR trust to make it work... but if you know what you want - then there's no point in letting it go unless you know you don't want it..KWIM?

I can tell you (from what i'm gathering) that Hans needs to try a little harder to meet you half way...I know doug would try to come and visit me when he could.. but he would only do that if he knew he and I could get some QUALITY time... it's not the quantity time you want and guaranteed that right now - you won't get that... so it may be that Hans doesn't want to come over for the 2 days he has off (since your in school half the day) because he won't be able to get the quality time.. BUT... he needs to understand that your relationship needs whatever QUANTITY time it can get and that he needs to work on his end of the relationship as much as possible when the airlines afford him time. Personally, I think he should do everything in his power to come over and visit you for whatever time he can get with you...if he wants the relationship to work via long distance.

There were a lot of times that when doug didn't come to visit, he'd send a card with a photo inside.. or we'd talk for hours via chatboard...

but nonetheless - stop trying to see too far forward and just try to get thru the day and see how it goes! it'll take some of the added stress off! it's not easy.. but if you both want it BAD, it CAN be done! Feel free to talk AS MUCH as you need to! talking, venting, asking questions or getting ideas to spice things up while via LDR can help during the really bad days!

oh and one other thing... while he's concentrating on the flying thing.. you should concentrate on getting that degree and having fun yourself...enjoy this time for you and give yourself some treats along the way! this is the time to get stuff done for you while he's working on him!!

hope this helps some! Keep us updated and let us know how it's going!! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

06-25-2004, 08:35 PM	#3 (permalink)
Kristie Admin/Owner Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Scottsdale, Arizona Posts: 6,628 Recipes: Thanks: 7 Thanked 17 Times in 17 Posts	Re: It\'s been a while... Hey Andrea! glad you stopped by to check in!! Good luck with your classes!! I can ditto flygirl in that reserve and the early stages of commercial flying are really NO FUN for us women.. especially when it's long distance... Doug and I did the long distance thing for over 2 years and the first thing you have to do is stop looking too far forward... slow down on the marriage talk for now and concentrate more on one day at a time instead... looking forward and starting the "what if" situations along with the "what should we do" situations really don't help in the long run when you know there really isnt much you can do - at this moment.... keep in mind that Hans wants to concentrate on you.. but schedules and flying are taking presidence since he's on reserve... it's going to be a given that you continue to get the "i'm second in his life" feeling because essentially - that is probably what is happening.. and here's why (just to give you an example)... when doug and I were dating and he was flying regional or majors & on reserve/crappy schedule, I always felt like his flying came first and I came in dead last... and there were a few times, when we argued (or I argued) that he would bluntly say to me "right now, flying is my number 1 priority until i get into the major's and get a stable schedule.. once that's accomplished, you'll be my number 1 for as long as you want" and that's just how it was.. i had to understand that he was concentrating on getting into the majors, getting a stable schedule so we, as a couple, could continue life at a normal pace with some stability... working in the regionals and being on reserves really gives absolutely zero stability and you always feel like your life is constantly changing.. it sounds like that's where you at now.. it's constantly changing, you want him to sh*t or get off the pot (can't tell you how many times I told doug to do just that), he wants to get to a point of comfort with his career and it's just NOT happening fast enough... ' it's definately an uncomfortable time and that's when you need to step back and say to yourself "ok.... today's a good day.. i'll go with that and we'll take a look at tomorrow - tomorrow". with that method, it'll be a bit easier on you emotionally and you'll be able to handle things a little bit better. flygirl's right - it will get better.. it takes time, a lot of YOUR patience and some MAJOR trust to make it work... but if you know what you want - then there's no point in letting it go unless you know you don't want it..KWIM? I can tell you (from what i'm gathering) that Hans needs to try a little harder to meet you half way...I know doug would try to come and visit me when he could.. but he would only do that if he knew he and I could get some QUALITY time... it's not the quantity time you want and guaranteed that right now - you won't get that... so it may be that Hans doesn't want to come over for the 2 days he has off (since your in school half the day) because he won't be able to get the quality time.. BUT... he needs to understand that your relationship needs whatever QUANTITY time it can get and that he needs to work on his end of the relationship as much as possible when the airlines afford him time. Personally, I think he should do everything in his power to come over and visit you for whatever time he can get with you...if he wants the relationship to work via long distance. There were a lot of times that when doug didn't come to visit, he'd send a card with a photo inside.. or we'd talk for hours via chatboard... but nonetheless - stop trying to see too far forward and just try to get thru the day and see how it goes! it'll take some of the added stress off! it's not easy.. but if you both want it BAD, it CAN be done! Feel free to talk AS MUCH as you need to! talking, venting, asking questions or getting ideas to spice things up while via LDR can help during the really bad days! oh and one other thing... while he's concentrating on the flying thing.. you should concentrate on getting that degree and having fun yourself...enjoy this time for you and give yourself some treats along the way! this is the time to get stuff done for you while he's working on him!! hope this helps some! Keep us updated and let us know how it's going!! [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]